


My Girl

by moshiznik



Category: SHINee
Genre: F/M, GIRLee, M/M, Multi, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-27 00:32:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 39,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7596322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moshiznik/pseuds/moshiznik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kim Gwiboon was born as Kim Kibum but she has always known who she is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gwiboon

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted to my AFF.
> 
> Pairings: het!taekey, het!minkey (Gwiboon), side!jongyu
> 
> Warnings: trans* character, some bullying, sexual assault (groping only)
> 
> A/N: I do not identify as trans* and am open to any constructive comments or feedback

Gwiboon found herself in the park after school one day walking to the same swings that she had played on with her brother and their friends everyday after elementary school. As a senior in high school she often found herself reminiscing for the past afraid to move forward into the real world.

 

She sat down on her favorite swing, the one in the very middle that had always made her feel surrounded by friends and people, caught up in the midst of childhood fun. The chains creaked as she began to move back and forth, the cool spring air still not quite warm enough for many families to venture outside and enjoy the park. But that didn’t stop Gwiboon.

 

As the swing moved it lulled her into a trance, allowing her to be present but not really focus on her surroundings. She enjoyed the peacefulness of the moment, the time to be alone with her thoughts.

 

Although she loved her twin brother, Jonghyun was too protective of her and easily became overwhelming. Even though she was technically older, he had always been the more assertive of the two. He had been the first to walk and then, even at such a young age, had taken his twin’s hand in his to help her walk. When they had a mean old cat that would swipe at them as they ran past, Jonghyun would push it out of the way whenever Gwiboon cried out because it had scared her. On their first day of school, even though Gwiboon had been the most excited to go, Jonghyun was the one that had made friends and pulled his twin into the little group. She couldn’t help but smile at the strength that her brother exuded and the love she would never doubt.

 

Not that Gwiboon herself wasn’t assertive, she just had a bit more of growing up to do than Jonghyun did. Regardless of the sassy way she spoke to her parents or the way she bossed around her little brother, she was preoccupied with something much more important than just “growing up.” You see, even though Gwiboon had always thought of herself as a little girl she had actually been born a little boy named Kibum.

 

Her parents had named her after her mother’s father who had died before the twins’ birth due to cancer. Although they lovingly cooed over their sons, little Kibum had always been unresponsive to his name. This had caused some concerns, but the doctors had told them that Kibum was on track developmentally, just needed some more time to become accustomed to his name and its importance. It wasn’t until the twins turned three that their parents truly started noticing the difference between their children. While Jonghyun loved to run around and wreak havoc on their little apartment, Kibum was perfectly content to sit down and play by himself or talk to his imaginary friends. They especially noticed a difference between the two when Kibum asked why Minjung didn’t have a “thingy” one day after their cousin had come over for a playdate and they had taken a bath together after a long day outside.

 

“Mommy?” Kibum had asked as she dried him off with his favorite towel that had a duck hood that he could wear as a robe.

 

“Yes, Bummie?” she asked, smiling down at her toddler.

 

“Why does Minja look different than me and Jongie?”

 

“Oh sweetie, that’s because Minjung-ah is a girl and has different parts than you boys,” she had replied softly, rubbing her son’s head affectionately and hoping that his child’s curiosity would be appeased.

 

“But isn’t Bummie a girl, too?” Kibum had asked, his brows furrowed together with such confusion that his mother couldn’t help but find it adorable even though his question took her by surprise.

 

“No, Kibum-ah,” she said, making sure to look into his eyes so that he would hear every word she was saying. “You and your brother are boys, like Daddy. Minjung-ah is a girl like me.”

 

At this, the little boy’s bottom lip began to quiver and his mother could see the pain in his eyes.

 

“B-but I’m a girl, too” he whispered, looking down at arms that were wrapped up in his towel.

 

“No, honey, you’re not. You see, little boys have penises and little girls don’t-“ But before she could finish, he had ripped the towel off of himself and grabbed himself harshly.

 

“Get it off! Get it off, mommy! I’m a girl, I’m a girl, I promise!” and at that he began crying hysterically, pulling on his genitalia as if he was trying to rip it off.

 

Afraid that he would hurt himself, his mother picked him up and kissed his tear-stained cheeks, rocking back and forth to try and sooth him.

 

“Oh, baby, I’m sorry. Mommy didn’t mean to upset you. Please calm down. Mommy loves you.” As her little boy continued to cry, she pat his back until he nuzzled his little head into her neck, quietly hiccupping away his tears.

 

As they stood there, Kibum’s father entered the bathroom, having heard the commotion from downstairs where Jonghyun and Minjung were playing. They shared a look over Kibum’s head and knew that they had to figure out what was going on with their baby boy.

 

Long story short, the doctors told them that it was possible Kibum was experiencing Gender Identity Disorder so that even though he was born with male genitalia, his brain was that of a female. They later learned that this was also known as transgender and that although Kibum was young, this would undoubtedly be a continued part of his identity.

 

Kibum’s parents were unsure what to think, confused that their little boy was now a little girl. They went home and tried to explain what was happening to Kibum, or Bummie as s/he now preferred to be called, to Jonghyun. While it was a lot for them to handle, it must have been even more for the little boy to try to understand about his twin brother, but Jonghyun had surprised them by laughing.

 

“Of course Bummie is a girl! I knew that, you silly heads,” and with that he had rushed upstairs to play.

 

Gwiboon smiled back at the early memories of her transition, of her recognition of being her true self and not the person that everyone had expected her to be. Although her situation wasn’t easy, especially as she had gotten older, it had helped that she had known who she was from such a young age.

 

When she started school everyone saw her as a girl and her parents were sure to speak with the school administrators and teachers about her preference to be called Gwiboon, a name she had read in a book and instantly liked because Jonghyun had said it was pretty. The teachers had been hesitant at first, fearing that the other students wouldn’t understand, but her father was a well-known lawyer and assured them that if they refused to let their daughter into their school they would face legal ramifications.

 

Thankfully, Jonghyun had been in all of her classes and had served as an initial buffer between his twin and the other students. He was fiercely protective of his Boonie and would even get jealous if she was playing without him. As they grew, they developed friendships with another boy in their class, Jongin, who Jonghyun took an instant liking to and Gwiboon enjoyed treating like another little brother.

 

Jongin was the one that introduced this very park to Gwiboon and Jonghyun, insisting that they had to go there with her and her older brother one day after school. The twins had begged their mother until she relented and they happily found themselves running from their school down the street to the park to meet up with Jongin and his brother, Taemin, who lived just a few blocks away and usually played there until their mom came to get them after work.

 

While Gwiboon had been aware that she found boys attractive, having circled most of the cute ones in her class picture with hearts and stars, for which Jonghyun teased her immensely, she was unaware of just how much she liked boys and wanted them to like her back until she met Taemin. While the three were in second grade, Jongin’s older brother was in the fourth grade and seemed so much bigger and wiser than them. As they had run up to greet him, Taemin had smiled the biggest smile that made his eyes crinkle as he laughed at Jongin’s obnoxious pounce that made them both tumble to the ground. Jonghyun had laughed too, but Gwiboon found herself frozen in place.

 

The boys had traipsed off but she had reluctantly stayed behind, unsure of what to do or where to go; not wanting to seem like a little kid to Taemin. After grabbing spots on the swings and having him push the younger boys, he noticed that the little girl was still standing on the outside of the playground, looking down at her feet as she scuffed her toes on the pavement.

 

“Gwiboon, come play” he yelled over to her, forcing her head to shoot up and a blush to stain her cheeks as she noticed that that were all looking at her.

 

As she walked over, Taemin came out from behind pushing his brother’s swing to grab her backpack and guide her over to the only free swing, the one in the very middle of the set, and smiled at her as she sat down.

 

“Do you want me to push you, Gwiboon-ah?” he asked softly, his head bowed towards her so that she could hear him. Gwiboon sucked in a breath as he said her name and butterflies danced around in her stomach. Unable to respond verbally, she nodded her head and blushed again, shyly looking away from the older boy while surreptitiously sneaking glances as he moved behind her to begin pushing her swing lightly. She glanced to her left to see her twin looking at her with a dopey smile on his face, happy that she had joined him. The younger kids continued to swing away with Taemin alternating giving underdogs until their parents came to pick them up. From that day on the four always found themselves at the park after school, growing up on the jungle gym and swinging like there was no tomorrow.

 

“Gwiboon-ah,” Jongin called now, shaking her out of her trance. She slowly stopped swinging and glanced over to see her friend walking over.

 

“Oh, Jongin-ah, what’re you doing here?”

 

“Just walking home, noona. What’re you doing out here? It’s still chilly!” at this, he shrugged off his jacket and put it around her shoulders. She roller her eyes at the action but allowed it because she had forgotten her jacket in her locker.

 

“Ah man, I love this place!” Jongin continued, looking around as he sat down and began swaying side to side. “So many great memories, huh, noona?”

 

Gwiboon heard the smirk in his voice but chose not to acknowledge it. She had another recent reason to love this park and it had nothing to do with being a child.

 

“Did you know that Taemin-hyung is coming home this weekend?” he asked, still pressing for Gwiboon’s attention.

 

She huffed as she caved and finally looked at her friend. “Of course, I know that, dipshit.”

 

Jongin only cackled at her cursing, all to familiar with this particular nick-name.

 

“I don’t know, noona, it still freaks me out that you two are together. Like, it’s kinda gross when you think about it…”

 

Gwiboon’s stomach clenched at the words and their meaning sunk in. Jongin was still talking but her ears were now ringing and she struggled to breath as her deepest fears came to the surface.

 

Although she had been friends with Jongin since kindergarten, she should have known that the thought of her dating his brother would gross him out. Honestly, it hurt to think that even her oldest friend couldn’t accept her as she was and think of her only as Gwiboon and not as someone pretending to be Gwiboon.

 

Honestly, she wasn’t even sure how Taemin could stomach the thought of kissing her. She had been so surprised when he first kissed her all those weeks ago that she hadn’t even had time to process what getting closer to him might mean. Sure, getting closer emotionally but more importantly, physically. Taemin was in college and she had been warned countless times about male hormones and just what types of things older boys expected. Even though he was a friend, she was still worried about how they would get to that next level.

 

And now with Jongin voicing his concerns, she was even more worried. How had she forgotten the most important part of herself? The part that she was constantly reminded of whenever she used the bathroom or had an accidental rush of excitement. The part that made her feel ashamed of her body regardless of the support and love she received from her family and friends- well, she thought from her friends but apparently she had been mistaken.

 

Tears began forming and she had stopped swinging. Jongin was still blathering on, no doubt continuing to voice his disgust at just what it meant that she was dating his brother. All of a sudden the emotions hit her and she couldn’t’ stand being there a moment longer. The sharp contrast between her inner turmoil and the lovely memories she had of this place stabbed needles into her heart and she got up quickly, almost falling over in the process.

 

“Noona?” Jongin asked, thrown off by her sudden movements. She refused to look at him as she threw his jacket on the ground and grabbed her bag. “Noona, what’s wrong?”

 

Gwiboon forced back a sob to hear him call her noona, especially since she now knew what he thought of her. She knew she couldn’t talk so rather than replying, she turned on her heels and ran.


	2. Graduation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Contains some transphobia and bullying.

“Gwiboon, honey, let’s go!” her father yelled up the stairs to her. Jonghyun flew past her bedroom door, hastily pulling on his graduation gown as he loudly clambered down the stairs.

 

She checked her appearance in the mirror once again, dreading what today meant. Although today should have been one of the happiest in her life, she already knew what awaited her and her heart sank just thinking about it.

 

After her conversation with Jongin in the park that day, she had been trying to reconcile her emotions and had shut herself off completely. Only Jonghyun could talk to her and even then she only really allowed him to sit with her, she didn’t actually say anything. He had first been highly frustrated because Gwiboon was his person, his beloved sister, so he just thought she was being silly by not talking to him or that she was experiencing another mood swing from her hormone treatments. But one day he had looked up after he had told her a funny story about his choir class and she had been crying silently. Her arms had been curled around herself and tears were dripping onto her chest. As he rushed over to hug her and she nuzzled her face into his neck so that now her tears dripped onto his shoulder and he could feel the silent sobs wrack her body, he became very worried about whatever it was that Gwiboon wasn’t telling him.

 

She could feel her brother’s concern in the way he held her hand or would randomly pull her into his side, giving her arm a squeeze in the hallway between classes. One day after class she had been waiting for him outside and Jongin had rushed up to her, but she had been relieved when Jonghyun yelled at her from the parking lot and she could run away, not wanting to face her now ex-friend (and ex-boyfriend’s little brother). Gwiboon had noticed that Jonghyun had seen their interaction, but he only smiled and drew her in, kissing her forehead as he wrapped his arm around her and led her to the bus stop.

 

The stress of keeping everything bottled up was wearing on her and Gwiboon hated seeing the paler, less put-together version of herself in the mirror. As she adjusted her hair so that her cap sat more snugly on her head, she breathed in deeply and braced herself for graduation.

 

~

 

“Kim Jonghyun,” the principal announced. He hugged Gwiboon excitedly before standing up and walking towards the stage. She smiled as she looked out to see their parents standing in the aisle, taking pictures and cooing over Jonghyun as he received his diploma and moved his tassel before walking back off the stage. Gwiboon fixed her hair and rubbed her lips together, making sure that her lip gloss was evenly spread so that she could at least appear glamorous for her parent’s photo, even if she didn’t really feel it.

 

She watched as the school secretary handed the principle her diploma and prepared to get up from her seat. The classmate that was sitting next to her smiled and gave her a thumbs up and she nodded numbly as her name was called.

 

“Kim Kibum.”

 

Gwiboon’s heart stuttered in her chest as she heard her birth name called out for everyone to hear. A collective hush sank over the crowd just before a low murmuring began. Her palms became sweaty and she blinked back the tears, willing herself to remember that a name is just a name and that this name in particular is still a part of her.

 

She rose on shaky limbs and walked down the aisle, bowing her head so that her hair covered now her face and the sea of people around her was blocked from view. Every step she took echoed in her ears as her heels clicked on the gymnasium floor. As she took the stage, she glanced to the crowd and saw her parents still in the aisle, smiling and taking pictures as if there was no hiccup. She smiled in hopes that they got at least one good picture.

 

As she reached the principal to shake his hand and receive her diploma, someone from the audience shouted out, “Her name is Kim Gwiboon!”

 

Gwiboon’s head snapped at the familiar voice and her heart sank when she saw that it was indeed Taemin who was standing up in the back, anger clearly written on his face. Her gaze darted back to the principal, whose hand was now holding hers more firmly, and their eyes met briefly before he looked away and broke their handshake to give her her diploma.

 

Just as she began to move her tassel and walk away from the podium, the principal cleared his throat and spoke, “I’m terribly sorry for the error everyone. Please congratulate Kim Gwiboon as she walks off-stage.”

 

She turned back and saw his smile as he whispered a heart-felt sorry, making her feel just a tad bit better as she turned to wave at the crowd as they all cheered and clapped for her.

 

Maybe today wasn’t so going to be so bad after all.

 

~

 

In the hallway after the ceremony, her parents wrangled Gwbioon and Jonghyun next to the big banner “Congratulations, Graduates!” banner for more pictures to commemorate this special day. Other families crowded in as they finished and hurried to move out of the way.

 

Her father fussed over their diplomas as their mother tinkered with the camera, swiveling around to see where else she could take more pictures.

 

“Aigoo, I’m so proud of you two!” their father said, beaming down at them both.

 

Gwiboon smiled at her father and bowed her head, dismissing herself to the restroom. As she walked toward her old locker area so that it would be quieter and less crowded, she reached her favorite bathroom, the one designated as gender neutral and wheelchair accessible. This was the only place in the entire school where Gwiboon felt comfortable going to the restroom and it was almost bittersweet to think that this would be the last time she would be able to use it.

 

After washing her hands and checking herself in the mirror, she exited to find two boys standing outside the bathroom, sneering at her.

 

“You’re a freak, Kim Kibum,” the taller jeered, shifting so that he was leaning over her.

 

“Wanna know why they called you Kibum and not Gwiboon, earlier? Because you’re really just a scared, pathetic little boy pretending to be a girl. You’re sick,” the other chimed in as they both moved closer until her back was against the bathroom door.

 

Gwiboon’s heart fluttered in her chest and she began to panic as she glanced down the hallway and saw that it was completely empty.

 

“Leave me alone, assholes,” she stated, surprised by how collected she sounded.

 

“We just wanna know why you think you’re so special.”

 

“Yeah, don’t you want to play with us? I mean the whole reason you pretend to be a girl is because you like boys, right?”

 

“You two are incredibly stupid,” she huffed, her bravado now somewhat lessened as panic truly began to set in.

 

The taller one just smiled and moved closer, putting his arms on either side of her head so that his breath ghosted over her face. His body leaned closer as the other one chuckled behind them. Just before he gets close enough that their chests are touching, Gwiboon kicks her leg up with as much force as she can muster and kicks him in the balls.

 

Instantly, the creep is doubled over in pain and the other boy looks between the two in bewilderment. His friend is now curled up on the floor crying, cursing Gwiboon who only kicks him in his side for good measure.

 

The other boy moved closer as if to strike Gwiboon but he is soon thrown in the air, skidding on the floor until he hits the opposite wall of lockers.

 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” an angry voice asks, eerily ringing in the quiet hallway.

 

Gwiboon turned slightly to find Taemin standing there, his fists clenched as he breathed deeply and glared at the boy he had just thrown. His beautiful features are contorted in fury and she can’t help but bite back a sob at all of the emotions that rush through her at seeing him.

 

“W-we were just-“

 

“Get the fuck out of here before I call the fucking police!” Taemin roared, kicking at the lockers as if he needs to physically let out his anger.

 

Gwiboon sank into the wall, glad that the moment was over and she wasn’t alone anymore. As she slides to the floor, she blinked back tears and buried her head in her knees.

 

“Hyung?” someone yelled down the hallway. Gwiboon heard people come towards them but she refused to look up and acknowledge that what had just happened was real.

 

As more voices surround her, she hears a soft, “Noona,” whispered and the familiar feeling of Jonghyun’s arms slip around her so that she is pulled into his side. She turns into her twin and relishes in the feeling of safety that engulfs her as he tenderly takes off her graduation cap and rubs his cheek on her hair, something that he’s loved to do since they were little. Gwiboon honestly treasures the gesture but often teases him that he acts just like a puppy.

 

Soon their father is pulling her up into his arms, reassuring her that he is going to press charges and the two boys will be expelled from school. She nodded silently and let her father and brother lead her down the hallway toward the exit. Gwiboon allowed herself one last look over her shoulder, unsure of what she would find, and is surprised to see Taemin standing there looking right back at her as Jongin says something to him and he responds off-handedly, making as if to follow her. She slowly shook her head and catches him stop in his tracks before she turned around again, having to shield her eyes from the bright sunlight.

 

~

That night Gwiboon is sitting on her bed, ruffling through her room trying to organize the mess that she had allowed it to become. Jonghyun is talking on the phone in his room next door, so loudly that she can easily hear every word of his conversation. Halfway through her attempt at organization, she stumbles across her acceptance letter to New York University and grasps it firmly in her hands. She had decided to apply there on a whim because she secretly (maybe not so secretly) loved everything about New York City in the United States. Gwiboon had always been adept at learning languages and English was by far her favorite. It was so complex and after each year in school, she loved how she was able to understand more about the world outside of Korea.

 

Applying to NYU had been a dream of hers ever since she had begun watching American television and learned about everything that NYC had to offer: fashion, Broadway, and the ability to be herself. Being transgender was not easy in Korea. Even though her small town of Dageu was great, save for some uglier moments like earlier today, the thought of moving to a big city in a country that was more accepting or at least more aware of everything that people like her went through was just too tempting to pass up.

 

Gwiboon smiled to herself, truly happy after so many weeks of feeling like utter crap. She opened her laptop and began researching the university, wanting to learn as much as she could about the life she would be living in only a few short months. She was so entranced in her internet search that she missed the multiple texts and calls she was getting until her phone had vibrated so much that it had fallen off of her desk and made a loud thunk on the floor. As she leaned over to pick it up and saw that she had 6 text messages and 10 missed phone calls, all from Lee Taemin, her heart began to beat wildly in her chest and her stomach dropped.

 

She had been avoiding him for months and had known that seeing him today would be difficult. The thought of ignoring him now was even harder after what had happened today, how he had spoken up to correct her name during the ceremony and stepped in to help her when those two boys had cornered her outside the bathroom. Before she could make up her mind, her phone vibrated again, lighting up to signal a phone call. Sighing, she clutched the phone tightly in her hand and answered it, “Taemin-ah.”


	3. Trust Us

Weeks passed and Gwiboon stubbornly refused to let Taemin creep back into her heart (not that he had ever really left it). They had begun texting and talking on the phone more regularly, and Gwiboon had even visited him at his summer job at the local pool one day. Not that she had told him she was coming, she had just decided to drag Jonghyun to the pool so she could work on her tan and figured that seeing a shirtless Taemin wouldn’t be that bad.

 

Taemin, however, was just as stubborn and refused to let Gwiboon block him out now that he was home on break. He bombarded her phone with messages filled with emojis, left her voicemails just to say hi, and even dropped by her house a few times with random gifts of her favorite things (rocky road ice cream being her particular weakness). Gwiboon had to admit that the boy was determined and that she (rather grudgingly) liked it. If she was honest with herself, she loved everything about Taemin, always had and she feared that she always would.

 

“Noona, Taemin-hyung’s here!” Jonghyun called to her from downstairs one night midway through the summer. Gwiboon instantly froze, happy that he had decided to come visit but afraid that he would see the state of her room, filled with boxes for storage while she was away at school and covered in NYU paraphernalia. She had yet to tell him about her decision to go abroad for college and she didn’t really want tonight to be the night either.

 

Rushing down the stairs before Taemin could come up, she almost ran into him in the entryway where he was chatting animatedly with her brother. At her appearance, Taemin turned his attention to her and she couldn’t help but shiver at the look he gave her before he reached out to hug her. She breathed in the musky scent that she loved so much and made to move away after the appropriate amount of time but found that he wasn’t letting her go. Instead, he tucked her into his side and asked her, “Do you want to go for a walk? The sun’s about to set and I know sunsets are your favorite.”

 

Gwiboon nodded her head without a second thought and moved to put her shoes on and grab a jacket from the hall closet. Taemin waved farewell to her family as they moved outside and began walking toward the end of her street.

 

She was oddly self-conscious of her body posture, especially considering she was with Taemin, one of her oldest friends. Then again, it was precisely because she was with Taemin that she was hyper-aware of herself and her surroundings.

 

Taemin grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to him so that their arms were touching. He laced their fingers together and Gwiboon looked over to see that he was smiling widely, obviously enjoying every minute of this.

 

“Yah,” she said weakly, barely attempting to extricate her hand from his firm grip. “Who do you think you are getting all handsy?”

 

“I don’t know, Gwiboon-ah, who am I?” he asked smoothly, looking her up and down as if daring her to answer.

 

She simply scoffed and yanked on his arm as if to prove that she was still in charge here. When he was no longer looking at her, Gwiboon bit her lip and let out a long breath, happy that she had avoided having to answer his question – the one both asked and unasked. They had been skirting around the issue for weeks now, really months if she counted their official break up, and she didn’t want to have to trudge up those emotions even though she knew it was bound to happen eventually.

 

They ended up at a park and Taemin pulled her over to the jungle gym right as the sun began to set behind the tree line that surrounded them. He moved them so that he was sitting on top of the stairs leading to the twisty slide and she was seated on the lower level in between his knees with her arms resting on them lightly. Gwiboon looked up at the evening sky and breathed in the fresh summer air as she allowed all of her thoughts and worries to slip away, even if just for a moment.

 

The two were content to sit in silence and watch as the sun sank further and further down until it was no longer visible and the sky shown bright with beautiful colors as the stars began to appear. Gwiboon couldn’t help but appreciate the moment for what it was, probably one of the last peaceful moments she would have with Taemin, her first love. She knew that she couldn’t avoid his questions forever but she let herself enjoy the moment as memories from the past pricked at her heart and pulled her away from it all.

 

She remembered when she was eleven years old and had just started sixth grade. Jonghyun was eager to start middle school but they were both scared because they had vastly different class schedules and would only see each other at lunch. Gwiboon was in advanced classes, had been since an early age, and so she was signed up to take most of her classes with the either graders. She especially excelled at English and was excited to be in the pre-high school course.

 

While she had been busy worrying about Jonghyun and how he would cope being without her, she had completely forgotten to worry about her own situation and how awkward it might be to take classes with all upperclassmen. The thought didn’t even hit her until she was walking into her second period class, math, after homeroom and noticed that everyone was so much bigger than she was. Although she was taller than Jonghyun, she was still relatively short, especially compared to the other girls in her class who were maturing rather quickly. Aside from the fact that her parents predicted Jonghyun would take after their father’s side of the family and be on the shorter side, Gwiboon was only beginning to go through puberty because she was, after all, a boy – or had boy body parts and hormones. Her doctors had held off on beginning her estrogen treatments since Gwiboon hadn’t shown any signs of going through puberty but it was only a matter of time before they had to make the decision to redirect her body’s pre-destined journey through puberty by undergoing hormone treatments.

 

Gwiboon sat down near the front of the class toward the windows so that she could look outside while the other students filed into the classroom. She nervously fidgeted in her seat and became self-conscious about a repeat from her first period class where the teacher had called her Kibum instead of Gwiboon. Thankfully, she was from a small town and had therefore gone to school with everyone in her class since she was in kindergarten, but she was afraid that not everyone in the eighth grade knew her secret and her stomach was soon filled with butterflies.

 

Someone finally sat in the seat next to her, but Gwiboon refused to look. Once the teacher entered the classroom and shut the door, she snuck a glance and found Lee Taemin smiling widely at her. She gaped at him and he chuckled, punching her lightly on the arm, “What? Did you forget that I’m in the eighth grade or something, Boonie?”

 

Blushing, she looked down and heard him chuckle. The teacher shushed the class and began taking role, pausing at Gwiboon’s name but ultimately calling out her preferred name rather than her birth one, no doubt due to a note that must have been written by the school administration. It was small thing, and probably no one even seemed to notice, but Gwiboon felt more at ease now that she didn’t have to explain why she had a boy’s name on the school records but actually went by a girl’s name instead.

 

It just so happened that Taemin was in all of Gwiboon’s classes, save for homeroom, lunch, and music, for which Gwiboon was extremely grateful. Having a friend in her classes helped her feel more at ease, and the easy way that Taemin interacted with the much younger student helped the rest of the eighth grade class accept her.

 

“Gwiboon-ah” Taemin whispered in her ear, pulling her back to the present. He was now leaning forward so that he fully surrounded her and her back was pressed firmly against his front.

 

“Yes?” she asked, unwilling to let herself analyze the feeling of warmth that washed over her at his proximity.

 

“Do you wanna know something, Gwiboon-ah?” he asked, his breath causing her hair to stir and tickle her face.

 

“W-what?” she stammered, trying to remain unaffected.

 

“I love you.”

 

At his confession, Gwiboon’s heart began pounding loudly in her ears and she began to feel light-headed. The past few months had been torture as she had wrestled with her confused emotions about her identity, as she had fought both internally and externally to determine who she is. Jongin’s words had cut her deep that day at the park and she had been unable to speak to him again for fear that simply seeing him would make her burst into tears. He had openly admitted that the thought of Gwiboon dating her brother was gross and she wanted, no needed, to respect her friend. She also needed to work through her own feelings on the issue. Even though she was a girl, she had the body of a boy and she was afraid that Taemin, or any boy for that matter, would never be able to love her because of it. What straight boy would be interested in dating a girl that had a penis?

 

As the barely-repressed emotions washed over her, Gwiboon began to cry and attempted to move away from Taemin.

 

She needed to get away from him; she was gross, this was gross.

 

Gwiboon struggled in Taemin’s now steely embrace but she truly had no more energy to fight. Instead she found herself leaning her head into the nook of Taemin’s shoulder as she clung to his arm for dear life.

 

“Gwiboon-ah, please don’t cry,” he cooed, kissing her hair and rubbing her back soothingly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to upset you. Please tell me what’s wrong,” he begged drawing her up so that she was now sitting sideways in his lap.

 

“I-I,” she began but had to fight back the sobs in order to speak. “I love you, too,” she somehow managed to get out. She felt Taemin sigh in relief but continued on before he could say or do anything.

 

“I l-love you t-too, but I know we can’t do anything. It’s wrong, g-gross, and I’m s-sorry for putting you through this.”

 

At her confession, Taemin stiffened around her until his grip had become so firm it almost hurt.

 

“What are you talking about?!” he finally said, not quite shouting but his voice was quivering with unspoken emotion.

 

“It- I- I know that l-loving me is g-gross, and I’m sorry that you have to endure it,” she tries again, hoping to let him know that she understands how wrong’s she been to make him love her. “I know we both feel this way, but it’s wrong, Taemin. How could you be with someone like m-me? How c-could I do this to someone l-like you?”

 

At her last statement, the tears took over and she was once again unable to speak properly. Taemin stood up suddenly, hoisting Gwiboon so that she was now cradled in his arms. He looked down at her tear-soaked face but her tears make it unable for her to see the look on his face of utter disbelief and love.

 

Gently, he set her down and began kissing her cheeks, unable to stop once he started and finally capturing her lips in the heat of the moment. She slowly returned the pressure he was seeking and he moaned, gripping her arms tighter as if he was afraid to let her go.

 

He finally broke the kiss when they were both breathless and panting, his forehead resting heavily against hers as they breathed each other in.

 

“Don’t you ever say something like that again, Gwiboon. Do you hear me?” he asked harshly causing her eyes to open in shock. “You are not gross. Our love is not gross, so don’t you ever even think it!” his voice rose at the end but only in desperation as if it was only way he could make her understand.

 

Gwiboon’s mind was reeling. She had spent months fighting with herself and years trying to understand how she fit into the world, but she had never imagined that she would ever hear something like this.

 

“But I thought- Jongin said- I d-don’t know-“

 

“What did Jongin say?” Taemin asked, his voice dangerously quiet as he leaned back so that he could see her whole face.

 

“He,” she began but was afraid to continue and see just how Taemin would react. What if he agreed with what his brother had told her? What if he rejected her after saying all of those lovely, perfect things?

 

“He what, sweetie?” Taemin asked, brushing her hair out of her face tenderly as if to reassure her that he wasn’t mad at her.

 

“He told me that our relationship was gross,” she finally whispered, rushing to continue before he could say anything else. “And I know, I know it is Taemin-ah, I get it. How could you love someone like me? How could you ever want to be intimate with a boy who’s just pretending to be a girl? How could-“

 

Gwiboon was forced to stop speaking as Taemin covered her mouth with his. She tried moving away, needing to finish, needing to think, but he refused to budge until she finally succumbed to the feeling of Taemin’s mouth on hers, his tongue brushing over her lips until she allowed him access to deepen it and their tongues danced magically together.

 

“Is that why you broke up with me?” he asked when they finally parted. “Because you thought that Jongin was grossed out by the fact that you’re transgender?”

 

Gwiboon bit her lip nervously and nodded, keeping her eyes down out of shame.

 

“Baby, he was grossed out because you’re one of his best friends and we practically grew up together. Not because of anything else.”

 

“But-“

 

“No, Gwiboon. You do not get a ‘but’ here. Do you understand the shit you put me through – put us through – these past few months? God, I was so torn up I almost quit school to come home and win you back.”

 

At this confession, Gwiboon looked up at him. They had barely been dating for a month when she had ended it and even then they had only ever really held hands and made out once or twice. There was literally no reason why he would have quit school and come back for her. Now that she thought about it, there was literally no reason that he should even be confessing right now, why he should love her. Especially after everything she had put them – him – through, he had no reason to be in love with her.

 

“Taemin, don’t be stupid. We’d only been dating a month!”

 

“So what?” he scoffs as if this is the most ridiculous thing she has said yet. “We may have only been dating for a month but I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember! How can you not know that?” he breathes, clearly frustrated with her.

 

She makes to move away so she can see him better but he refuses to let go.

 

“Tae- come on. Don’t be ridiculous. How can you even say that?! I’m a boy! I’m a boy pretending to be a girl!”

 

“Don’t you dare,” he hisses between clenched teeth. “Don’t you dare say another word. Do you think I don’t know what you are? Do you think I don’t know that you’re really a girl trapped in the body of a boy? And don’t you even think about telling me what I can and cannot love about you. I love you. All of you.”

 

Gwiboon gasps at his confession, at the weight of the words that shatter her illusion, her struggle with herself.

 

“I-I don’t know, I can’t-“ she is unable to think, unable to process what is happening.

 

“Then don’t,” he replies, once again capturing her mouth in a heated kiss. The action pushes all rational thought from Gwiboon’s mind and she falls into him until he is picking her up and she has to wrap her legs around his waist for support. She can feel her body react to their proximity, to the emotions that Taemin stirs deep within her.

 

As her body begins to stir, she panics and attempts to break the kiss, afraid that he will cringe at her aroused state. Taemin holds her still and moves his hips so that she can feel his own arousal rub against hers through their pants. She moans at the contact, her head leaning back in ecstasy.

 

“Tae,” she breathes, unable to fully catch her breath as he peppers kisses down her neck and laves at her collarbone. Her small breasts heave and rub against his firm abdomen as they continue to move against each other and now Taemin is the one that moans, crushing her even more closely against his body – although Gwiboon isn’t quite sure how that is even possible at this point.

 

“Taemin,” she tries again, this time her voice is firmer and he finally pauses in his ministrations. “Tae, we can’t do this here. We’re in a park for fuck’s sake.”

 

As the realization hits them, they both laugh and Gwiboon leans down to kiss his smiling lips. This kiss is much less hurried and much more sensual, as if the two know that they will have more time than just tonight to relish in each other.

 

“Okay, babe,” he breathes, letting her slide down his body until her tip toes are once again touching solid ground.

 

Gwiboon drags her hands down his arm until she laces their fingers together and she begins to walk towards the steps, tugging him along behind her.

 

“Let’s get out of here,” she breathes huskily, looking slyly over her shoulder at him to show him that this will only be put on pause for so long.

 

He smiles, loving everything about her in this moment, and says, “My parents took my brother to Jeju this weekend to celebrate.”

 

Gwiboon smirks at that and stops abruptly; pulling Taemin down the few inches she needs to kiss him fully on his already kiss-bruised lips. They both can’t help but smile into the kiss until Taemin is suddenly swooping her up into his arms and running to his house.

 

~

 

It turns out that Taemin had done even more research on male-male intercourse than Gwiboon had. The thought makes her blush as she lies naked on Taemin’s bed waiting for him to return from the garage where he had left the “supplies” in his car for fear that his parents would find them.

 

Honestly, Gwiboon had watched her fair share of gay porn both for research should she ever need to get intimate but also for pure enjoyment. As a female, she couldn’t deny to herself, or Taemin when he had asked her about it once they had started undressing and she had tentatively rubbed her palm against his erection, that she very much liked that particular part of the male anatomy. Even though she herself had a penis, her appreciation for the appendage only applied to other men and she had never really been turned on when she had experimentally tried jacking off one night. Instead she had had to learn other ways to please herself, which were a little bit more embarrassing to admit aloud but nonetheless just as satisfying.

 

While she waited for Taemin to return, she fidgeted on the bed and became self-conscious. Although he had already see her, she didn’t like the idea of him coming back into his room to her lying there, in all her transgendered glory, for him to see everything. She wiggled herself under his comforter just as she heard him thunder up the stairs. When he came back into the room, Gwiboon could feel herself becoming less absorbed in the moment as the thought of actually being intimate with Taemin hit her.

 

As he approached the bed he bent down to drop the supplies, condoms and some lube, onto the end table before he stripped out of his sweatpants. Gwiboon swallowed at the sight and felt her face flush at the perfection that was Taemin’s body.

 

She had always appreciated the elegant dancer’s body that Taemin possessed, often being envious of his skinny legs compared to her slightly thicker and shorter ones. Now, however, she could see that he had definitely been working out since he had left for college. His stomach muscles were well defined if not to a full six-pack yet and his pectorals were equally delicious. Gwiboon felt another spike of arousal shoot through her as she unconsciously licked her lips.

 

He caught her staring and laughed, “Like what you see there, princess?”

 

Gwiboon blushed at the question and tried to look away but was unsuccessful because Taemin had crawled on top of her.

 

“Hey, come on. You know you can look as much as you want,” he brushed a light kiss on her cheek and made to pull the covers away.

 

“N-no, I don’t think I’m ready yet,” she said as she managed to hold the blankets tight to her torso.

 

“Babe, what are you talking about? I know for a fact that you are ready,” and at this he laid down on top of her so that they were touching from head to toe and he could feel just how aroused she was.

 

“Tae, I just, I don’t want you to-“

 

“Kim Gwiboon. Are we really back at this? I told you that I know exactly what I’m getting myself into. Why won’t you just trust me? Trust us?”

 

“I don’t know how,” she whispered so quietly that if Taemin had not been so close he might have missed the words.

 

“I know this is your first time, and that’s okay-“

 

“No, Tae. I don’t know how to trust you with this. I can’t even trust myself.”

 

At her deepest confession, her darkest secret thus far, she looked up to see Taemin’s reaction. She had been dreading this, dreading the thought of letting him know just how scared she was of this moment. Taemin was looking down at her, his face unreadable as he took in her words and their meaning.

 

Seconds turned into minutes and they still lay there. Gwiboon wiggled under his intense gaze and began to feel like the walls were closing in on her. She had done it, she had completely ruined everything.

 

“Tae, I’m sorry, I just-“

 

“Gwiboon, seriously just give me a minute to process.”

 

They both grew quiet again and Gwiboon had to push back her internal monologue so that she could try to at least remain calm.

 

“Gwiboon-ah,” he finally said after what felt like an hour.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Please tell me now if this is something you want to do. Like really want to do?” He looked down at her and she could tell that he was being completely serious. He was asking her if she was 100% committed to losing her virginity and being this intimate with him.

 

“I don’t know,” was all she could say.

 

At the admission, he closed his eyes and leaned down so that his forehead was resting against hers.

 

“Babe, I get it. I don’t want you to feel pressured. I won’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with, okay?”

 

She nodded silently, biting her lip at the conflicting emotions coursing through her body. She so desperately wanted to be close to him, wanted to know him in that way, but she was also afraid of what that moment of passion might bring.

 

“Can we just, I don’t know, start slow? And then whatever you don’t like we’ll stop? Immediately, no questions asked,” his eyes pierced into her soul and she found herself elated at the thought that he was still committed to doing this and that he was willing to experiment with her.

 

“Come on baby, you’ve gotta talk to me. Yes or no?”

 

“Yes,” she breathed and moved her hands so that one was resting lightly on his neck and the other was tangled in his hair.

 

“You too, though. If you ever don’t like something or feel weird, please just stop. I’ll understand, I promise,” she said, wanting to make sure that he knew she was just as committed to making him feel comfortable as he was to her.

 

“Okay, deal,” he breathed right against her lips as he once again took her mouth in a heated kiss.

 

Their hands explored each others’ bodies tentatively, mapping out each nook and cranny until there was nothing left to the imagination. When Taemin’s hand finally brushed against the part of her that made her physically male, she gasped and tried to break their kiss, but he refused. He lightly caressed her until she felt a few drops of precome drip from her slit and groaned at the feelings that were washing over her.

 

“Please,” she breathed, panting, “please not there.”

 

Taemin instantly removed his hand and brought it to cup her hip, stroking up and down her sides, grazing her small breasts and returning back down agonizingly slow. Gathering up what courage she had, Gwiboon grabbed his hand and brought it up to her lips to kiss before making eye contact and guiding him down her body where she spread her legs wider and placed his hand on her entrance. His eyes darkened but pushed into her lightly before he made eye contact and asked, “Are you sure?”

 

She nodded her head, unable to say anything at the amazing feelings taking over her body as he touched her exactly where she wanted to be touched. He teased her entrance some more, causing her to close her eyes and relish the moment. Although she had touched herself there many times, having someone else do it felt even better.

 

Taemin worked on inserting his fingers into her slowly, making sure to use extra lube so as not to hurt her and she only whined as each intrusion felt like bliss. When she was unable to handle any more teasing, he reached to grab a condom but Gwiboon stopped him. Taking the condom wrapper from him, she shyly looked up at him as she removed the bright red condom and sat up to slide it onto him. He grabbed her in a rough kiss, unable to stand the sight of her and needing to distract himself from the amazing feeling of her hands on him for this intimate act.

 

Finally, he pushed her back down and reached for the lube, making sure to completely coat himself and her already slick entrance so that he wouldn’t hurt her. As he lined up, he could feel her tense beneath him and he looked down to find her face scrunched up and turned to the side, her body tense.

 

“Hey,” he said, reaching out to turn her face so that they could look into each other’s eyes. “Do you want this?”

 

Gwiboon seriously considered the question and knew that without a doubt she wanted this more than anything.

 

“Yes,” she said, sure to make her voice clear so that he had no doubts about her answer.

 

He smiled down at her and leaned down to kiss her while one of his hands moved up her body to cup her breast and pinch her nipple just the way she liked. She breathed into the motions and felt her body relax, and just as she did, Taemin pushed into her and she cried out at the new feeling.

 

Taemin stopped immediately, already fully seated in her as he waited for her to adjust. After all of his extensive research he knew that the first time was extremely painful regardless of how much preparation was done.

 

Gwiboon breathed through the pain while Taemin remained still within her but continued to tease her nipples, his hand moving back and forth as if to distract her at least a little bit. She wiggled unconsciously as his hands stroked the underside of her left breast and she felt a tingle shoot through her torso (of all the places to be ticklish!). At her movement, Taemin groaned and moved his hips. They both moaned, Gwiboon loving the feeling of him slide into her and the noises he made that told her just how much he loved it to.

 

“Move, Tae,” she said, demanding him to do what they both wanted.

 

Taemin leaned down to kiss her again as he began to move in and out. Gwiboon’s erection was caught in between their stomachs, which made it hard for her to forget that it was there but it actually just added to the sensation. Taemin at least didn’t seem to mind it as he continued to pump in and out of her until they were both covered in sweat.

 

Gwiboon became restless and began to move with him, meeting him thrust for thrust to urge him on and let him know that she could take more. He slowly got the hint and grabbed one of her legs, drawing it around his waist and holding the top of her leg so that he could gain some leverage to pull her onto him as he moved.

 

The new position opened her up and allowed him to get that much deeper until they both felt the instant that Gwiboon’s prostrate had been rubbed just the right way. While the feeling of being penetrated had been a nice slow burn, it now became a red-hot fire that was stoked each and every time Taemin moved in her. He loved the way she screamed his name and threw her head back at the feeling, as he continued his pace.

 

Encouraged by her reactions, he began to thrust a little more harshly and erratically as his own pleasure began to build. Gwiboon was panting at the sensations that were hitting her body, loving every bit of friction between the two as Taemin hit that spot inside her one last time before she was lost to pleasure. Semen coated her stomach but she couldn’t even give it a second thought as Taemin stopped moving in her and released into the condom, drawing in and out of her a few more times before he was wrung dry.

 

Gwiboon was lost in post-coital bliss as she felt Taemin pull out of her and discard the condom in the trashcan beside his bed. She heard him get up and leave the room but couldn’t raise her head to see where he went.

 

Just as she was nodding off, she felt a cool washcloth rub over her stomach and down to her entrance and she shivered at the sudden contact. She mumbled a thank you and turned to snuggle into the pillows until Taemin returned and moved in behind her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her back flush against his front so that they were spooning.

 

“I love you Gwiboon-ah,” he whispered against her hair as he began to trail kisses down the side of her face to where her shoulder met her neck.

 

“Mmm, that’s nice,” was all she could say before she drifted off to sleep.


	4. New York

“You’re what?!” Taemin screeched.

 

Gwiboon flinched and bowed her head. Jonghyun grabbed her hand under the table they were seated at and she squeezed it, grateful for his support.

 

“Noona, what do you mean you’re going to New York for university?” Jongin finally chimed in.

 

“Well, I decided to apply last fall and I got into their English program, so I don’t know. I’m just going,” at this she trailed off and finally looked up to meet Taemin’s intense gaze. She could read the anger and the hurt on his face and her stomach clenched with guilt. She could feel his frustration from across the table, the set of his shoulders and the thin line of his mouth telling her just how displeased he was that she had decided to tell him about her plans for college at a restaurant with both of their brothers present.

 

“Noona got into a really great school and we are happy for her, aren’t we?” Jonghyun asked, lacing his words with emotion to demonstrate that they needed to be supportive.

 

“No,” Taemin said. “I will not sit here and pretend to be happy for her.”

 

Gwiboon closed her eyes, combating the urge to cry as the conflicting emotions washed over her. She was so happy to go to a prestigious US university but she was sad to have to leave her family behind, to leave Taemin behind. Especially now that they had finally become a couple. Finally allowed themselves to be happy together after years of flirting and teasing.

 

Jonghyun tensed next to her and began telling Taemin and Jongin just how happy they should be and why they all needed to support her. Blah blah blah. Gwiboon had given him this same exact speech and had practically force-fed him every line in preparation for this conversation.

 

Things had been going relatively smoothly for Gwiboon and Taemin. Taemin had seemed more at ease since they had finally consummated their relationship. However, it made Gwiboon uneasy because she knew what was coming. She knew that she was going to leave and would have to break his heart once again, and it killed her. It killed her to sit with him in her family room, cuddled up on the couch while they watched a movie. It killed her when he would lean in and kiss her or hold her hand when they went on an evening stroll. Taemin seemed so at ease with public displays of affection, but Gwiboon was self-conscious and felt as if the whole town knew about her secret.

 

She had decided that she couldn’t tell Taemin, or anyone really, until she had at least told her parents and brother. However, the chance was taken from her when she retuned home after spending time with Taemin at the pool to find her mother sitting on the couch holding Gwiboon’s acceptance letter to New York University in her hand.

 

“Your admissions officer called about tuition and processing your student visa,” was all she said. Raising an eyebrow to convey that she was extremely interested in what her daughter had to say.

 

“Um…” was all that Gwiboon could come up with. That night had been a long night full of yelling and crying, from both ends. Jonghyun had been distraught when he had finally come home, an hour after Gwiboon and their mother had begun fighting.

 

When her father had finally come home from another late shift at work, he had been her saving grace.

 

“Yeobo, don’t pretend that you didn’t know Gwiboon-ah applied to that school.”

 

Everyone stopped talking at that point. Gwiboon and Jonghyun both turned to their mother who had raised her head defiantly at her husband.

 

“Fine. I knew. But it still doesn’t mean that she couldn’t have just told us from the beginning. Honestly, sneaking around like this. Aish! Were you even going to tell us!? Or were you just going to disappear?”

 

Gwiboon finally allowed herself to hear the hurt in her mother’s voice and she immediately felt ashamed.

 

“Eomma, I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t think I would get in!”

 

“Don’t be silly, of course you got in!” At this, her mother came to sit next to her on the couch and wrapped her into a tight embrace. “Gwiboon-ah, they would have been stupid not to let such an excellent student into their school. Plus they want all of our money because you’ll be an international student! Those US schools love to take our money.”

 

“Yeobo,” her father said warningly, feeling an inevitable rant come on.

 

“Oh, hush.” She stuck her tongue out and everyone burst out laughing. Jonghyun finally stopped crying and declared that he was going to bed.

 

Her mother looked over her shoulder, silently communicating with her husband that she needed to be alone with their daughter. He smiled and headed upstairs to their bedroom, turning off the lights on his way so that Gwiboon and her mother were left with only the lamp on.

 

“Gwiboon-ah,” her mother whispered, resting her forehead against her daughter’s. “You know that you will be seen as Kibum when you have to leave this country. Your documents all say Kim Kibum and that you are male.” She anxiously looked into her daughter’s eyes and Gwiboon could feel the worry emanating from her pores.

 

“I know,” she replied, just as softly. A tear escaped down her face as reality finally sunk in. She had known all along that her gender issues might become a problem when travelling and registering for classes.

 

“Have you spoken with anyone at your school? Do they know?”

 

“No. I applied using my birth name and information – I didn’t have a choice because of my government documents.” Gwiboon lets the truth wash over her and panic begins to set in.

 

“You have to tell them, honey.”

 

“I know, I just don’t know how. How do you explain what I am? What if they don’t let me come?” She voiced her biggest fear and looked up to meet her mother’s gaze.

 

She only tsked and said, “If they decide not to let you go because of who you are, then you don’t need to go there anyway. You deserve only the best, never forget that.”

 

~

 

It was a huge relief for Gwiboon to now have everyone important in her life know that she was going to school in America. It was a huge disappointment that Taemin wasn’t being as supportive as she would have hoped from her long-time friend and now boyfriend.

 

“Taemin-ah, come on.” She said. They had been having the same conversation for the past two days and it was beginning to wear on her patience.

 

“No. Please just tell me what the hell you were thinking? Were you even going to tell me? I mean, what the fuck? You just conveniently forgot to mention that you would be leaving for New York in a month?!”

 

“Yah!” She said, finally snapping at his angry tone and unnecessary swearing. “This is something I wanted to do, so I did it. I do not need your permission to do anything, thank you very much.”

 

At this, Taemin invaded her space until there was barely any room between them. She felt his breath on her temple as he grabbed her arms possessively and shook her slightly.

 

“You crazy girl! I love you! I’m not saying that you need my permission, I’m just saying that you could have at least done me the courtesy of telling me that you would be leaving the country!”

 

“Tae, let me go. Now.”

 

Immediately Taemin releases her, whispering a sorry as he takes a step back.

 

“Taemin, when would have been a good time to tell you, exactly? Because I honestly have no idea.”

 

“I don’t know, but god. Could you have at least told me when we were alone and not have your fucking brother there!? Or my brother.” At this Taemin pouted and Gwiboon felt her ire at his reaction slip a little bit. However, she was determined to get everything out in the air now and she quickly stomped down any feelings of forgiveness toward him.

 

“Tae, I’m sorry. That was the only would I could think to tell you and not break down crying. Besides, Jonghyun insisted that he was there and you know how impossible it is to say no to his stupid puppy dog eyes.” Taemin nodded, knowing just the look she was referring to. What Gwiboon didn’t add, however, was that she had initially asked him to be there for her because she knew that she would need him, need his love and support to act as a buffer between herself and Taemin. It had been Jonghyun’s idea to invite Jongin to and make it a thing between friends instead of a couple’s moment.

 

“So what? You’re just going and that’s it? No discussion?”

 

Gwiboon froze slightly at Taemin’s tone. His entitled tone was really starting to piss her off and she had to fight now to hold back all of her anger as she replied, “We are discussing it. I’m telling you that I’m going to school in New York and you are telling me that you love me and will miss me greatly. At least that’s what you should be saying instead of throwing a temper tantrum like a toddler.”

 

He scoffed at her, literally scoffed as if he couldn’t believe what she was saying. “Excuse me for not wanting my girlfriend to go abroad for four years!”

 

“Tae, I know this isn’t the most idea situation but can’t you at least pretend to be happy for me?”

 

“Pretend, huh? I don’t think I can, sorry. And I’m surprised that you would ask me to do that. You know how I feel about you. And I thought I knew how you felt about me.”

 

Gwiboon tried to interject but he continued speaking, his voice rising in volume until he was almost yelling, “How can I pretend to be happy when you’re going to leave? How can you pretend that that will make everything better? Or is that it then? Have you actually been pretending this whole time? Do you not even care about me or my happiness?”

 

She couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth and could only stare at him as he finished his tirade. Her hands were shaking and she could feel her heart breaking at the inevitability of this scenario.

 

Standing up, she walked towards him and looked up until their gazes locked. His eyes were set in anger, in frustration at the situation, but Gwiboon reflected those feelings right back at him. Almost as if she wasn’t fully aware of what she was doing, she brought her right hand back and brought it across her body to slap him. Her hand hit his face so hard that there was a resounding “SLAP” that seemed to be held in the air between them as Gwiboon recoiled at her own actions and Taemin cried out in pain.

 

“What the hell, Gwiboon?”

 

“I’m sorry, I just, I don’t know what came over me.”

 

He continued to rub at his cheek and Gwiboon felt a little guild wash over her as she watched the skin turn red before her eyes. Her hand stung but she ignored the pain in order to get out her thoughts.

 

“Look, I’m sorry that this isn’t what you were expecting when you came home this summer. I wasn’t even expecting for us to get back together or become anything really, but here we are. This is the truth here and we have to deal with it.”

 

Gwiboon took a deep breath, trying to find the nerve to finish what she needed to say. She was too caught up in the way that Taemin was standing before her, distractingly beautiful and hurt, too caught up in how she so desperately wanted this to go differently but knew that they couldn’t go back – she couldn’t go back.

 

“But, I honestly don’t know what you were thinking when you started freaking out on me. Aren’t boyfriends supposed to be supportive? Aren’t they supposed to be happy when their best friend got into a really good school in the United States?! But no, all you can do is yell at me and try to control me.”

 

Taemin raised his hand from his cheek as if to interject, but she only glared at him.

 

“I don’t know what you were thinking when we became a couple, or whatever the fuck we are, but you had better believe that I will do whatever I want whenever I want. Just because I decided to let you in doesn’t mean that you own me.”

 

“Gwiboon-ah, stop it, what are you even? That’s not-“

 

“Oh really? Isn’t that exactly what you were saying?” She stared him down, daring him to contradict her when they both knew exactly what he had been doing. Although they were recently a couple, or whatever, Gwiboon had known Taemin for a long time and knew just how possessive he could be with his friends. He had always been suspicious of new people whenever Gwiboon would go to the mall or meet up with friends outside of school. Taemin had always been the one to pull her close if they were with a group of their classmates and someone else was giving her a little too much attention. While Gwiboon had usually been grateful at the time, she would get weird looks from other people and Jonghyun had even mentioned it to her a time or two.

 

The truth was, she knew exactly what Taemin was saying he needed and she hated the fact that she couldn’t give it to him. That she didn’t want to give it to him.

 

“Taemin,” she said quietly, reaching out to take his hands in hers. “I’m sorry, but I can’t not go. I have to do this, for me. Can you understand that?”

 

He gripped her hands and brought them to his chest, causing her to fall into him. Taemin’s breathing was labored and she could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest.

 

“Gwiboon-ah, I’m sorry but I just can’t. I can’t think about what it will be like without you here.”

 

She closed her eyes as the tears threatened to overwhelm her. Her heart broke as she looked back up at him and said what she needed to say, what they both needed to hear at this point.

 

“Taemin-ah, I’m sorry but I don’t think we-“ her voice cracked but she swallowed her nerves down and pushed through her haywire emotions. “I think that when I go to New York, we should just be friends. It’s too much to ask of ourselves to stay more than that. I can’t give you what you need and I’m so sorry for that, but I need to do this. Please understand. Please…”

 

But before she could say anything else, Taemin had released her hands and taken a few steps back. The look of utter disbelief and hurt on his face was enough to finally push her over the edge and she began to cry.

 

“I’m sorry, Tae. I’m sorry, I just, I can’t-“

 

“Just stop,” he whispered, a hand held up to indicate that he was done.

 

Gwiboon’s lips trembled as she tried to keep herself together but it was a lost cause as soon as Taemin turned around and walked off without a second glance. She fell to her knees and tried not to think about the scene she was making in the park, the same park she and Taemin had been to only a few weeks ago. A few people walked by until one finally stopped and asked her if she was okay. She nodded her head and tried to stand, a little wobbly but no worse for wear.

 

Somehow she made it home and found herself crawling into Jonghyun’s empty bed, unwilling to be in her own room and needing the comfort of her brother even if he was out. She sighed into his pillows and pulled his black comforter over her to wrap herself in a cocoon. The dark ambiance in her brother’s room was soothing to her tattered emotions and she closed her eyes, willing the tears to stop and the pain to go away.

 

Unable to stand the quiet any longer, she unlocked her phone and pressed number one on her speed dialing, waiting anxiously until someone answered.

 

“Yoboseo?” Jonghyun answered happily in her ear.

 

“J-jonghyun-ah,” she whispered, barely able to get the words out around her tears.

 

“Noona? What’s wrong?”

 

“Jongie, I can’t- I- Please come h-home,” was all she managed before another round of tears left her and she could only listen to him as he said goodbye to whomever he was with and told her to stay on the phone until he got home.

 

She listened quietly to his voice as he whispered words of care and concern to her, reassuring her that he was indeed the right person to call. He always would be.

 

Ten minutes later, Gwiboon heard the front door slam and her brother’s rushed footsteps as he climbed the stairs. She hear him enter her bedroom down the hall and then move back to the hallway when he noticed she wasn’t there.

 

“Jonghyun-ah,” she called as he opened the door and finally hung up the phone. “Jonghyun-ah, I-“

 

“Sh,” he said, closing the door and moving to lay down beside her on the bed. He pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head, rocking her back and forth as silent tears rolled down her face.

 

“I’m here,” he said, tightening his hold on her and moving so that he was leaning against the headboard and she was laying halfway on top of him, tucked into his side. “I’m here,” he continued to whisper as he stroked her hair, soothing her with his presence until she was finally able to drift off to sleep, content in the knowledge that he would always be there for her.

 

~

 

“The plane will be arriving at New York in 20 minutes, please stow all personal items and prepare for landing,” the voice announced over the speaker. Gwiboon looked out of the window and finally allowed herself to feel excited about the fact that she would soon be landing in New York.

 

Leaving her family at airport security had been the hardest thing to do and she couldn’t believe that she had actually been able to pry Jonghyun off of her. Although Gwiboon was always the first to cry, her brother was just as big of a cry-baby as she was and had been inconsolable at the ticketing area. Her father had finally grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and forced him away. This had made Jonghyun only more upset and he had then turned to burry his face in his father’s chest. Their mother had patted his head lovingly before stepping forward to give Gwiboon one last hug and a kiss to the cheek before stepping back and wrapping an arm around Jonghyun so that together, they turned around and walked out of the airport doors.

 

Gwiboon was surprised that she was able to staunch her tears and move towards the security line, which was depressingly long at this time of day. She fidgeted with her hat, which hid her bun and allowed her to hopefully pass as a boy. Her family had all agreed that to avoid confusion and any possible trouble, Gwiboon needed to dress like a boy, at least partially, to pass easily through airport security and customs. Jonghyun had protested the most but was finally subdued when Gwiboon had told him that she was afraid they wouldn’t let her go if she looked like a girl but all of her legal documents said that she was a boy.

 

Finally on board, Jonghyun had helped her go through his closet, trying on outfit after outfit until they finally found something that Gwiboon felt comfortable in and didn’t show off her curves. Although her breasts weren’t that big, they still stood out in most of her brother’s clothes, which were tight fitting to his well-toned body. They had finally settled on a layered look with a plain gray t-shirt, a red plaid fleece, black skinny jeans, and a beret.

 

Gwiboon couldn’t help but admire herself in the mirror as she finally saw what she would have actually looked like if she had stayed Kibum. Although the hormone treatments had stopped any facial hair from growing, her features were still somewhat angular unlike most other girls in her class. Also, her adam’s apple was a dead giveaway now that her hair was up and she was wearing baggier clothing that hid her femininity.

 

“Damn, noona, you look good as a boy,” Jonghyun had said appreciatively, winking at her through the mirror. “I’m glad you aren’t a boy, otherwise I would have had some fierce competition for all the hotties!”

 

Gwiboon laughed, hitting her brother for being stupid but pulling him in for a kiss on the cheek to show her appreciation for all of his help.

 

“Are you sure you have to go, noona?” he asked, drawing her into a hug.

 

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” she said, knowing just how hard their separation would be for both of them. “But we can Skype and talk all the time okay? We can get that Snapchat app and it will be like we’re not thousands of kilometers apart, I promise.”

 

She squeezed him as he nodded and leaned into her so that she had to support both their weights.

 

“Yah! Get off,” she laughed pushing him away and causing him to fall onto his bed. He only laughed and proceeded to drag her down with him, tickling her into submission for a cuddle session. As they lay on his bed, she couldn’t help but wonder just how on earth she would get by without him.

 

~

 

“Next!” the customs officer yelled, causing Gwiboon to grab her things and rush forward.

 

“Passport?” the woman said, holding out her hand expectantly. Gwiboon slid her information under the glass partition that separated her and the TSA worker. She fidgeted with her hat and made sure that her flannel covered her fully. The custom’s officer asked her a series of questions and she tried to answer to the best of her ability, all while trying to keep her voice a bit lower than normal to ensure that she was playing the part of being Kim Kibum.

 

“Welcome to New York!” the woman finally said, stamping Gwiboon’s (Kibum’s) passport and shouting out, “Next!”

 

~

 

“Um, I need to go New York University,” she said to the cab driver after finally reaching the front of the line outside of the airport. The driver took her bags and put them into the trunk before sliding into the driver’s seat. Gwiboon stood awkwardly beside the car, unsure whether she should sit in the front or the back.

 

“Come on, dude, we don’t have all day!” the driver yelled, causing Gwiboon to jump. She scrambled to open the back door and slid in, barely shutting it behind her before the driver pulled away and into the bustling New York traffic.

 

“Where exactly do you need to go on campus?” the driver asked, peering in the rearview mirror. Gwiboon brought out her instructions from NYU and read through the list until she found the address for her residence hall.

 

“Brittany Hall,” she said, happy to have found the information.

 

“What’s the address?”

 

“Um…F-fifty five, east-uh ten street,” she responded, struggling to sound certain.

 

Seemingly satisfied, the driver looked forward again and proceeded to navigate the complicated streets.

 

Gwiboon put her seat belt on, afraid of the crazy way the car zoomed in and out of traffic. She couldn’t help but gasp as she finally got a look at the city and hurried to pull out her phone and take pictures, remembering to get a few on Snapchat for Jonghyun.

 

Before she knew it the cab had parked and the driver was asking her for money. After handing over the correct amount, he continued to stare at her and cleared his throat. Gwiboon didn’t know what else he wanted and only stared back, afraid that he would yell at her.

 

“Generally you also give a tip,” he said, eyeing her wallet patiently as if he was used to dealing with foreigners.

 

“Oh, sorry!” she said, pulling another bill from her wallet and handing it over without really looking.

 

“No, no. That’s too much. Just give me a five and we’ll call it good, okay?”

 

She nodded and gratefully took back the $50 dollar bill she had originally given him and gave him the requested amount.

 

Satisfied, the driver got out of the car and walked to the trunk where he began unloading Gwiboon’s luggage on the sidewalk. She grabbed her messenger bag and made sure she had everything before taking a deep breath and exiting the vehicle.

 

“That’s everything. Have a great day, sir!” the driver said, waving over the car before climbing back into the driver’s seat and pulling away, lost in the melee of the yellow cabs before Gwiboon could say anything.

 

Okay, she thought to herself. Now what? She pulled the instructions from the school out of her bag and read through the list. Now she had to report to her residence hall and find a “Resident Advisor,” whatever that was.

 

Sighing, Gwiboon turned to face her humongous pile of luggage, which included two large suitcases and a carry on. How on earth was she supposed to get all of this inside?

 

Panic began to set in but the only thing she could do was stand there, sweating under the hot sun. She looked up at the building that would her home for the next year and was about to put it back in her messenger bag when someone appeared in front of her saying, “Do you need help?”

 

Startled, Gwiboon looked up and saw a young man smiling down at her. Her heart fluttered as she tried to translate what he had asked her. It was surprisingly hard to understand or speak English given how well she always did in school.

 

“Yes, thank you,” she bowed her head and the man in front of her smiled, moving to grab stuff before heading toward the doors. She grabbed her other bags and followed him, grateful to have someone to help her.

 

“Come on, the RAs are all at the center desk this week since it’s move in and all.” He led her up to a desk area where another smiling face greeted her.

 

“Hello! Welcome to Brittany Hall! What’s your name?” The girl was very enthusiastic and Gwiboon smiled at her, taking note of her bright red hair and freckles.

 

“Kim Gwiboon,” she said, happy to have finally understood everything perfectly.

 

The woman typed something into her computer but frowned, “I don’t have anyone with the last name Gwiboon on our list?”

 

“Oh, no. My last name is Kim.” Gwiboon rushed to say, embarrassed that she had forgotten to switch the order of her names.

 

“How do you spell your first name?”

 

“Um, G-W-I-B-“ Gwiboon stopped, heart beating quickly at her mistake. “No, I’m sorry. My name is Kibum. Kibum Kim. K-I-B-U-M,” she rushed, horrified at the confused look on the girl’s face.

 

“Ah, here you are! You’re in room 706. It looks like your roommate has already moved in, too!”

 

Gwiboon tried not to let her fear show as the girl continued talking to her, handing over a key and a residence hall manual. She knew that she was going to have to share a room with someone but she was afraid of how they would react when they found out that she wasn’t exactly who they were expecting.

 

“Just come back down if you need anything or have any questions! Jinki should have your roommate contract and everything else you need, so you can just turn those in once you’ve gone through everything.”

 

“Thank you,” she said before turning around to find the young man still standing there, patiently waiting for her.

 

“7th floor, huh? That’s where I lived last year! The themed floors are the best, you’re lucky you got a spot.”

 

Gwiboon nodded distractedly, biting her lip as they walked toward the elevators and waited to get in them.

 

“So where are you from, Kibum?”

 

Gwiboon’s head shot up at the question, heart pounding at the name. She wasn’t used to being called Kibum and within the last forty-eight hours she had only been called Kibum. She missed being Gwiboon, being herself, but she was almost there. (At least she hoped she was.)

 

“South Korea,” she said, shifting slightly.

 

“Really?! I’m Korean!”

 

“Oh?” Gwiboon said, happy to have met a fellow Korean in such a short time in the city.

 

“Where is your family from?” she asked in Korean, happy to once again speak her native tongue.

 

“Sorry, I don’t speak Korean,” he laughed embarrassedly. “My mom was adopted from Korea and I’m really only half, but you know. Just thought it was cool.”

 

Gwiboon nodded and grabbed her suitcases as the doors finally slid open.

 

“Well, here ya go. I’ll see you around, yeah?”

 

Gwiboon bowed, thanking him for his help and avoiding the question, not entirely sure how to tell him that he wouldn’t be seeing Kibum again.

 

She turned towards her door, 706, and used the key to open it. The door swung open and she got her first glance of her new room. It was relatively large and had two beds, two desks, and two closets. One bed was already made and had random things strew across it. Gwiboon shuffled into the room and pushed her luggage to one side before going back for the rest of it. She was just about to close the door when a young man walked into the room.

 

“Hey, you must be my roommate. Kibum, right?” he asked, looking over at Gwiboon.

 

Gwiboon nodded and could only stare at the perfection of her roommate. He was Asian as well and had a great smile that was currently blinding her with its brightness. His eyes also crinkled up until they were crescents and she could no longer see them. Her stomach fluttered and she made to sit down on the empty bed.

 

“Well, hey, I’m Jinki. You’re from Korea, right?” He asked this last question in Korean and Gwiboon nodded, unable to speak for fear of what the conversion was soon about to become.

 

“Awesome! I’m obviously Korean too, how lucky are we? Where are you from? How old are you?” His excitement was endearing and she scooted back on her bed until she was leaning up against the wall, her legs tucked into her chest so that her head could rest on to of her knees.

 

“Um, Daegu. And I’m 18, how about you?”

 

“I’m from Seoul, although I’ve gone to school in the US since I started high school. I’m 19, so a year older than you. Let’s use informal speech though since we’re roommates and everything.”

 

Silence settled over the room and Gwiboon continued to sit on her bed, unsure what to say next.

 

“So, what-“

 

“I’m a girl!” Gwiboon found herself shouting before Jinki could finish asking her anything else. He blinked at her; unsure whether he should take her outburst seriously or not.

 

“What?”

 

“I, I mean, I’m not a girl. Well, I am, but I was born a boy even though I’m technically a girl. I-I mean, I’m… Um…” She stuttered, afraid that she wasn’t making any sense. Although it was nice to have a Korean roommate, she was worried that he would be more traditional and would be freaked out.

 

While she had been speaking, Jinki had sat there patiently as if waiting for her to finish so he could try to understand. When she finally quieted, he stood up and came over to her bed.

 

“So wait, are you a girl or a guy? I’m confused.”

 

“Um, well I’m transgender. So I was born with male anatomy but I’m actually a girl, like mentally.”

 

“Huh,” was all he said, looking down at her with a curious expression on his face. “Then why do you look like a dude?”

 

“Oh!” Gwiboon said, reaching up to her hat and pulling it off. She took her bun out and let her hair fall down around her face, moving to take off her flannel.

 

“Oh,” Jinki said as Kibum transformed before his eyes. He stepped back as if to study her some more, moving his eyes up and down her body while she sat there uncomfortably under his scrutiny.

 

“So, what is your real name then if it’s not Kibum?”

 

“I g-go by Gwiboon,” she said, unable to determine exactly what he was thinking at this point. She shifted again uncomfortably and he finally seemed to notice, clearing his throat and moving back to his own bed. Gwiboon ran her fingers through her hair nervously.

 

“So, Gwiboon-ah, are you going to be okay rooming with a guy? Or…”

 

Gwiboon looked up at his question, surprised by the thoughtfulness and unsure exactly how she felt about the situation.

 

“I don’t really know, I guess. I mean, do they allow boys and girls to live together usually?”

 

“Not sure, we might have to ask the RA. That is if you’re okay with that? I mean, do you want everyone to know you’re a girl? Or a guy/girl? Or whatever you said-“

 

“Transgender,” she said, smiling at the awkward way Jinki was handling the situation. It was surprisingly nice to have him be so chill and yet clearly uncomfortable with how to proceed.

 

“Yeah, that.”

 

“Honestly, I don’t really know. I mean, back home I’m just Gwiboon. But I had to be Kibum when coming here because of my passport… I don’t know how accepting people will be, you know?”

 

“Yeah, I guess. I mean, if they’re not cool with it then that’s lame, but still. I get it.”

 

Gwiboon nodded, biting her lip in thought as she mulled over what she wanted to do. Her mother had found her the LGBTQ office information online but she hadn’t reached out to them about her situation because she hadn’t known what they would say.

 

A loud knock sounded on their door, causing the pair to jump before the door was burst wide open, slamming as it hit the wall.

 

“Jinki-hyung! Where have you been? You said you would only be gone for like a minute, seriously.”

 

Jinki shrugged at the intruder, who was clearly his friend and another Korean. The new guy turned toward Gwiboon and smiled widely, his lips spreading to show his pearly white teeth. Her breath caught at the sight while her stomach sank at the appearance of yet another beautiful boy that was currently in her room. What on earth was going on here?

 

“Oh, I see, you were busy with a lady, hm?” he said, waggling his eyebrows at Jinki and winking.

 

Jinki shook his head and looked to Gwiboon before glancing back at his friend warily.

 

“Well aren’t you going to introduce us?”

 

“Minho-goon, this is Gwiboon-ssi. Gwiboon-ssi, this is my annoying friend Choi Minho. He’s also 18 and speaks Korean, in case you were wondering.”

 

Gwiboon smiled at that last part, appreciating Jinki’s humor as she bowed her head in greeting to Minho. He bowed back smiling widely as he sat down in one of the desk chairs and looked expectantly between the two, waiting for someone to say something.

 

“So…” he said, clearly annoyed that Jinki still hadn’t told him exactly who Gwiboon was.

 

Rolling his eyes and groaning, Jinki finally said, “Minho, this is Gwiboon. My roommate.”

 

At this Minho’s smile faded and was replaced with a look of confusion.

 

“But I thought you were rooming with some kid name Kibum.”

 

“She is Kibum.”

 

At this Minho looked back at Gwiboon who only smiled weakly at him.

 

“Oh, okay. Well, whatever, are we still going to grab some pizza because I’m starving.”

 

Jinki chuckled at his friend’s change in topic, glancing over at Gwiboon to shoot her an apologetic look before standing up.

 

“Yes, you goon, we can go get pizza. Aish, don’t you think about anything other than food?”

 

“Nope, not when I’m hungry. Let’s go already!”

 

Just as the two boys were about to leave, Minho turned around and approached Gwiboon who was still sitting on her bed, now with her legs crossed and her hair pulled to one side of her neck.

 

Minho stuck his hand out to her and she looked up at him, unsure what exactly he was doing.

 

“Gwiboon-ssi, do you want to come with us to get some pizza?” he asked, smiling down at her.

 

“Um…” she said, unsure whether she should go or not. She didn’t want Jinki to think she was a burden but she was terribly hungry since the only food she had that day had been airplane food. Her stomach gurgled its agreement and Gwiboon felt her face blush at the noise.

 

Minho laughed and reached down, pulling her off her bed and towards the door. She extricated herself briefly to retrieve her wallet and flannel before meeting the boys in the hallway.

 

“Alright, let’s go!” Minho said, waiting for Jinki to lead the way and allowing Gwiboon to go in front of him.

 

After exiting the building, Gwiboon felt a light pressure on her back, steering her to the right and lingering to provide her with some direction. She looked over her shoulder to find Minho smiling down at her and winking. Gwiboon’s heart stuttered and she tried not to read too much into the action. Jinki led the way and Minho eventually moved away from her as he responded to something his friend had said. They eventually reached their destination and the three shuffled through the door and approached the counter to place their order.

 

Gwiboon made sure to get a few more pictures on her phone and sent a selfie or two to Jonghyun via Snapchat before she allowed herself to fully enjoy her pizza. Minho and Jinki had dug in immediately and had all but demolished the entire first pizza while Gwiboon tentatively brought a cheesy slice to her mouth and took her first bite of New York pizza. The cheese melted in her mouth and she smiled, closing her eyes at the amazing taste. After finishing her bite, she opened her eyes and found Minho staring at her, an unreadable expression on his face. They continued to stare at each other until Jinki cleared his throat, “Here’s to Gwiboon-ah’s first New York pizza experience! Welcome to New York!

 

Jinki smiled at her when he finished and shoved another slice into his mouth. Gwiboon wasn’t sure how he was still hungry but smiled at the mess he was making with pizza sauce on his shirt and grease all over his face and hands.

 

Minho leaned closer to her while Jinki was distracted and looked her in the eyes once again before his gaze glanced down to her lips and back up. “Welcome to New York, Gwiboon-ah.”

 

She shivered at the way he caressed her name and felt herself blush at this attention. After what felt like minutes, he finally turned away and she allowed herself to breath again.

 

She had a feeling she was going to really like New York.


	5. Roomies

A loud knock sounded at the door and Gwiboon got up to answer it. She wasn’t expecting anyone and Jinki had just gone to take a shower so it wouldn’t be him. (He had taken to knocking on the door before entering, afraid that he would walk in on her unexpected. Which Gwiboon found thoughtful but also burdensome in that she didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable to enter his own bedroom.)

 

Gwiboon opened the door and found her RA, Aliza, at the door.

 

“Hi!” she squeaked, not knowing why she would be there. She had only seen her in passing and hadn’t directly interacted with her since Jinki had been the one to turn in their roommate agreement and room check-in sheets.

 

“Kibum?” Aliza asked, looking at the sheet and back up to Gwiboon.

 

“I actually go by Gwiboon,” she said, shifting from foot to foot nervously.

 

“Yes, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Would you mind if I came in?”

 

Gwiboon moved back allowing the shorter girl to enter. She closed the door and turned to face her; unsure of how this conversation would go. Her heart pounded in her chest and she felt her knees grow weak as she tried to remember to breathe.

 

“Is Jinki here?”

 

“He just went to shower, but I can text him?” Gwiboon rushed to get her phone but Aliza stopped her.

 

“No, that’s alright. It’ll actually be better for you and I to speak privately first.” Gwiboon nodded, waiting for the inevitably difficult conversation. Would she say that she had to leave? Would she be kicked out of the university?

 

“So, I noticed some things on your roommate agreement and just wanted to check in with you personally since there seems to be a bit more going on here than what most roommates encounter. Don’t worry, though. We will only discuss whatever you feel comfortable with and please let me know if I overstep, okay?”

 

Gwiboon swallowed and nodded.

 

“Right then. Gwiboon…?” Aliza stumbled through her name but Gwiboon smiled reassuringly at her questioning look. “It appears that you have some specific concerns when rooming with Jinki and our professional staff just wanted me to make sure you were aware of your options. Do you feel comfortable sharing your gender identity with me?”

 

“Um… what is gender identity?” Gwiboon asked, unfamiliar with the terms.

 

“Oh! Sorry, but gender identity refers to if you identify as a female, male, both, or gendernonconforming. So for example, gender identity is different than your biological sex, so if you are born with male anatomy or female anatomy. But don’t worry- you don’t have to share all of that with me if you don’t want to!”

 

Aliza smiled and waited for the information to sink in.

 

“Well, I guess that my gender identify is female….” Gwiboon trailed off, unsure if she had stated it correctly.

 

Aliza nodded and made a note on her sheet. “Just remember that anything you tell me is completely confidential and will only be shared with my supervisor and no one else, okay?”

 

Gwiboon nodded, not really concern with all of that but reassured that Aliza wouldn’t tell complete strangers everything about her.

 

“Were you aware that we have gender neutral housing? Or housing options available based on gender identity?”

 

She shook her head, completely unaware of what the other girl was talking about.

 

“On your housing application there should have been a spot for you to designate your gender identity and preference your assignment based on that information. Do you remember seeing that?”

 

“No, but I also didn’t understand everything on the form either.”

 

“Ah, yes, that makes sense. Well, NYU does offer special housing accommodations for our students based on gender identity. That being said, all of the assignments have been done for the semester and our options at this point are very limited.”

 

Gwiboon sat on her bed, drawing her legs in so that her head rested on her knees. She bit her lip and tried to dissect what Aliza had just said.

 

“My question for you, Gwiboon, is whether or not you feel comfortable living here?”

 

Just then a knock sounded on the door before Jinki poked his head around the door.

 

“Oh, hey Aliza.” He smiled at the RA who nodded. “Do you want me to come back?”

 

Aliza looked to Gwiboon who shook her head and spoke to him in Korean, “Jinki-ssi, Aliza is asking me about moving but I don’t understand it. Could you help me?”

 

He nodded and entered the room, draping his towel around his neck and setting his shower caddy on his dresser.

 

“What’s up? Gwiboon said she was having trouble understanding everything you were saying,” Jinki asked Aliza.

 

“Oh, sorry about that, Gwiboon.” After smiling apologetically at Gwiboon, Aliza turned to Jinki and repeated everything, often glancing at Gwiboon to make sure that she was okay with her sharing this information.

 

“Ah, I see.” Jinki said after she had finished explaining the situation fully. “So what are our options?”

 

“Well, ideally Gwiboon would be able to move into a room where she feels most comfortable being herself, but we really don’t have any openings at the moment. We might be able to move her next semester but right now there’s nothing open for her.”

 

Jinki turned to Gwiboon and asked if she understood. Gwiboon shook her head, unable to translate everything while her nerves were on edge and she was trying to not hyperventilate. Even though Aliza seemed very nice and was taking the time to ask Gwiboon about her situation, she was afraid to say anything and be misunderstood.

 

Aliza and Jinki continued talking and began looking at the roommate contract before he finally walked over to Gwiboon and sat next to her on her bed. She let his warmth wash over her and subtly leaned into him as he relayed the information to her.

 

Now that she could breathe more normally, the situation finally sank in. Sitting up straight, she looked worriedly from Jinki to Aliza, “But I don’t want to move! I want to stay here. I want to go here!”

 

At the panic in her voice, Jinki moved an arm around her back and brought her closer to him, rubbing her arm in a soothing pattern.

 

“Gwiboon-ah, you don’t have to move if you don’t want to. You can move if you would feel more comfortable staying with a girl or another transgender student, but you might have to wait until next semester.”

 

She nodded her head, reassured that she wasn’t going to be forced to leave her room. She honestly liked living with Jinki and felt safe around him for whatever reason.

 

“I would like to stay here if I could,” she said now to Aliza.

 

“Of course! I just wanted to make sure that we had discussed your options and you were comfortable with your housing assignment,” she smiled kindly at Gwiboon who managed to return the smile. “Alright, well just make sure to keep me posted if you do decide you want to change rooms.”

 

Gwiboon glanced to Jinki confused and he relayed the information again in Korean. She nodded and thanked Aliza for her help and was glad to see the RA finally leave the room. Falling back onto her bed, Gwiboon sighed and breathed deeply before moving to her side and staring at Jinki.

 

He noticed her gaze and turned to face her, “What is it?”

 

“Are you sure you’re okay with me staying here? I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

 

“Trust me, I would never trade in such a great roommate. Plus, Minho would kill me!” He laughed to himself at the last part, but Gwiboon was confused. What did he mean by that? Why would Minho care if Jinki got a new roommate? In the week she had been there, they had become friends but he and Jinki had been friends all of last year and he should feel more loyalty to him, shouldn’t he?

 

Jinki, focused on hanging up his wet towel, missed the confused look on her face. But before she could ask him what he had meant, her computer binged and she jumped up, rushing over to her laptop.

 

She clicked on the little green phone and waited for her video feed to load.

 

“Jonghyun-ah!” she cried when she finally saw her brother’s face pop up on her screen. She felt herself smile widely as he waved stupidly and made kissy faces at the screen.

 

“Noona! Come back, I miss you!”

 

She laughed at his classic opening to their conversations and rolled her eyes. “I’ve only been gone a week, Jongie! Aish!”

 

He just pouted and Gwiboon cooed, unable to resist that look and finally gushed about how much she missed him too.

 

Jinki laughed at her from his bed and she turned her head, sticking her tongue out before returning her attention to her brother.

 

“Oh, who’s that? The elusive Jinki-hyung? Let me see!” Jonghyun said excitedly. This was the third time they had skyped and he had always missed meeting Gwiboon’s roommate. She was partially afraid that he would say something embarrassing or even try to pull the “You better not hurt my sister” speech, but she was also happy to have the opportunity to introduce the two.

 

“Jinki-ssi,” she said over her shoulder, “would you like to meet my brother, Jonghyun? He’s been dying to meet you!” She snuck in the last part knowing that it would irritate her brother.

 

“Oh, sure!” Jinki got up from his bed and Gwiboon turned to silently communicate with her brother that he better not say anything out of line. He winked at her before Jinki moved behind Gwiboon and could be seen on the screen.

 

“Hi, there, Jonghyun-ssi! I’m Jinki, Gwiboonie’s roommate here in New York,” Jinki said, smiling widely at Jonghyun as he bowed slightly and waved.

 

Gwiboon noticed the way her brother reacted to Jinki, his eyes widened at that megawatt smile and the cute way she knew his eyes were scrunched up. She saw him swallow and she smirked, finally having her suspicions confirmed that Jinki was just her brother’s type.

 

“H-hi, Jinki-ssi,” he managed, smiling back at Jinki. Gwiboon couldn’t hold back a laugh at the way her brother visibly swooned over her roommate. Jonghyun glared at her quickly before plastering a smile back on his face.

 

“It’s nice to meet you finally, Jinki-ssi!”

 

“You too! Please call me hyung, I’ve been trying to get Gwiboon to call me oppa, but she hasn’t had the courage,” Jinki winked and nudged her. She spluttered at his audacity and elbowed him. Jonghyun knew her better than anyone and he would now be able to sense that she still didn’t feel 100% comfortable with Jinki.

 

She glanced at the screen and saw her brother’s eyes narrow imperceptibly before laughing it off and responding, “Of course, Jinki-hyung. It’s so nice that Gwiboonie was able to have a Korean roommate! We were so worried about our little Bon Bon-“

 

“Oh my gosh! Shut up!” she interjected, hoping that Jinki had missed her loathed knick name.

 

“Bon Bon, huh?” he asked, smiling down at her and laughing at the look of utter horror on her face.

 

“Aish, really, Jonghyun?! You are the worst brother ever.” At her outburst and clear embarrassment, both Jinki and Jonghyun laughed. Gwiboon sulked for a minute or two before finally shoving Jinki away and claiming her brother’s attention once again.

 

“So, how’s everything back home? How’s mom and dad? How’s school? Did you start classes? Have you decided what program you’re going to do?”

 

Jonghyun sobered up at her slew of questions and attempted to answer. Gwiboon could hear Jinki getting his backpack together in the background, no doubt on his way to meet up with some of his pre-med friends. After turning her full attention back to her brother, she learned that her parents were doing well but had had a hard time those first few nights after Gwiboon had left for school. Surprisingly, her father had been the most affected and had been silent for days while having a very short temper. Jonghyun admitted to crying a little bit but other than that tried to reassure her that he had been doing fine.

 

“I started classes and decided to go into the music program! Jongin-ah is in some of my classes too, which is nice. He’s going to do dance but I’m going to do vocal theory I think. But all of our generals are the same which is nice to have someone I know in class with me!”

 

At the mention of Jongin, Gwiboon felt her smile fade just a tad but knew that Jonghyun had caught it. He tilted his head to the side and she stared forward refusing to answer his unasked question. She would not ask about him. She wouldn’t. Couldn’t.

 

After a few minutes of silence and their nonverbal back-and-forth where Jonghyun willed her to ask what they both knew she wanted to know but she stubbornly refused, her brother finally sighed, breaking the tension.

 

“Jongin mentioned that Taemin is still pretty messed up, Gwiboonie.”

 

She held her breath at his statement, afraid to move or do anything in case her emotions would overwhelm her.

 

“I-I don’t know what you want me say, Jonghyun-ah.”

 

“Gwiboon,” he said, looking her right in the eyes. “You need to call him. Talk to him. Do something! You can’t just leave it like that.”

 

Her heart ached at the truth in his words but she was too afraid to admit that she had left things in such a horrible state with Taemin. He was the first boy she had ever loved, the first person she had ever let get that close to her that wasn’t her family. He was her first everything and she had ruined it.

 

“Jonghyun-ah,” she gasped, barely able to hold back her tears. “I c-can’t. There’s nothing I can say to fix it. He w-wouldn’t even look at me,” She breaks off, unable to finish as tears steal her voice.

 

“I know, Gwiboon-ah. But you really do need to talk him. Send him a letter, something. He still loves you and you obviously still love him. Don’t continue to torture yourself. Or him. It isn’t fair to either of you.”

 

The truth behind his words hit her and she knew he was right but she couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit of resistance. All she knew was Taemin and she had decided to go to New York to experience something new. She needed to remain focused on herself and knew that any communication with Taemin, no matter how small, would crack her. She would never be able to say no if he asked her to come back for him.

 

“I don’t think I’m strong enough yet, Jongie,” she admitted quietly, now noticing that Jinki had stopped making noises. She glanced back over her shoulder and caught him staring blankly at his phone, obviously listening but trying to look like he wasn’t.

 

Just then his phone rang and he answered it, making to pick up his bag and exit the room, rushing out without looking at Gwiboon.

 

Her heart sunk at how much of her personal life was now on display for her roommate, whom she had only known for a few days now.

 

“Noona, I have to go now, but you should really think about it, okay?”

 

She nodded, whispering a goodbye and I love you before closing her screen.

 

What was she going to do?


	6. Perfect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: brief non-consensual touching

Gwiboon is two seconds away from punching someone.

 

It’s 7AM and Choi Minho is knocking loudly on her and Jinki’s door, yelling something about class and breakfast. Jinki, however, remains oblivious to the noise and is sleeping peacefully (aka snoring loudly with his hair mussed and limbs spread haphazardly on his bed), causing Gwiboon to be the one to have to deal with their early morning visitor.

 

Huffing loudly as she climbs out of bed, she throws her pillow at Jinki with all of her might, hitting him right in the chest and causing him to snort loudly and jolt upright.

 

“Wha-?” he says barely awake, looking annoyingly cute this early in the morning.

 

Gwiboon doesn’t even allow herself to continue that train of thought as she wrenches the door open and yells, “Yah! What is your problem, Choi Minho?!”

 

Minho has his hand raised as if he was going to continue knocking – like the whole floor isn’t already awake at this point – before he lowers it slowly to his side and takes a step back, eyes growing wide at the look on Gwiboon’s face.

 

“Sorry, Gwiboon-ah,” he says sheepishly as he tries to look anywhere else. Gwiboon scoffs, rolling her eyes at his lame attempt to get out of trouble.

 

“You’re lucky it’s too early for me to actually hurt you,” she yawns, backing away into her room as Jinki rushes around to gather his things. “Why are you up so early anyway?”

 

“Oh, I had practice for my soccer team, then warm-ups for the baseball team I co-captain for the intramural league.” Gwiboon gapes at him like he is the craziest person in the world and sighs, unable to even bother pretending that she was still mad at him. She instead takes pity on his pour soul and crawls back into her bed, seeking the warmth of her fuzzy blankets.

 

Minho says something to Jinki, who grunts in response due to his inability to function in the mornings. Gwiboon chuckles to herself at the thought that Jinki signed himself up for morning classes when he is so obviously not a morning person, unlike his best friend.

 

She turns over, nestling herself deeper into her cocoon of blankets and pillows while keeping one leg out to feel the cool breeze of the air conditioning. Please just leave, she thinks to herself.

 

“Bye, Gwiboon-ah!” Minho shouts from the door, smiling brightly even after Gwiboon yells at him to go away.

 

Jinki continues moving around the room making enough noise to irk her just that bit more until she is forced to snap, “Jinki, what are you doing? Get out of here already!”

 

Gulping, he looks up at her with his big, stupidly adorable eyes and blinks sleepily, “Sorry, Gwiboonie, I lost my phone and thought I might have put it on your desk by accident.” He then smiles as if he is embarrassed and Gwiboon can’t help but crack under the pressure of those dazzling pearly whites.

 

Shifting so that she is now propped up on her pillows in a mostly-seated position, she glances at her desk but doesn’t see anything. Jinki is somehow still fumbling around, making a complete mess of everything. Sighing, she glances down to the floor and leans over her bed, hoping to find the blasted thing soon so that she can go back to sleep. After a few seconds of groping blindly under her bed, her hand catches on a rectangular object and she grasps it triumphantly, raising it above her head and waving it at her roommate.

 

“Here you go, old man,” she says tiredly.

 

His smile stuns her once again as he nods his head in thanks and makes to leave the room. Gwiboon sinks back into her pillows and glances at her own phone, which now shows the time as 7:25AM. Groaning, she dramatically covers her eyes with her arm and silently curses having a roommate with an early schedule.

 

Just before she can continue grumbling about her predicament, the door clicks open again softly and she moves her hand down so that her arm is now resting against her mouth, allowing her to openly glare at the door.

 

The light from the hallway casts shadows on whomever has entered her bedroom, but she assumes that it’s Jinki who has once again forgotten something. However, as the figure looms closer, she notices the slightly taller and leaner stature of Choi Minho as he moves further into the room and reaches Jinki’s bed, ruffling around for who knows what.

 

Seemingly unaware of her gaze, Gwiboon lets herself paroose the younger boy’s body, taking in his basketball shorts and cut-off tank top that shows off his muscular arms and even gives a peak at his chiseled abdomen. She swallows and shifts on the bed, uncomfortable with where her thoughts are going and aware of the lack of embarrassment she finds when admiring him. Confused by her thoughts, she loses track of his movements until he is sitting on the edge of her bed, inches away from her.

 

“Sorry for waking you up, Gwiboonie,” he whispers softly, causing the flyaway hairs from her loose ponytail to shift slightly.

 

Gwiboon says nothing as her gaze focuses on his adam’s apple and the sexy way it moves when he speaks. She watches as if in a trance as he moves his hand up to lightly touch the lacy strap of her tank top, “I really like your pajamas, noona.”

 

Her heart skips a beat at his confession and his closeness, but before she can respond, he stands up and walks toward the door, grabbing whatever it was he had come back for in the first place. Just before he closes the door, he turns around and smirks at her as if he is happy that he has the ability to render her speechless. The door clicks behind him and Gwiboon stares at it blankly; breathing once again returning to normal as her heart rates slows.

 

That jerk. She thinks, unable to process exactly how she feels about what just happened. Why is she so affected by him when she is still in love with Taemin? How can she feel this way when her heart already belongs to someone else?

 

Sighing, she allows her fuzzy thoughts to drift as sleep once again takes over, providing her with a peace of mind that eludes her when awake. She knows she has to call Taemin and confess her true feelings; but, if she really does love Taemin, why is it Minho’s face that she sees as she finally falls asleep.

 

~~~~

 

“Gwiboon-ah! Over here!”

 

Gwiboon turns at the sound of her name, searching for whomever called her amongst the crowded tables in the commons. She finally spots Minho standing up waving at her from the far corner of the room and begins to make her way over to where he and Jinki are sitting with a few other people she doesn’t know.

 

“Hi,” she says as she sits down on the chair that Minho has pulled out for her. She ducks her head in embarrassment at his actions but tries to suppress it for fear that her face will give her away.

 

“There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you guys!” Someone says behind them and sits down in between Minho and Jinki. Jinki smiles at the newcomer as Minho pats her head and coos, making Gwiboon decide to take special interest in this new person.

 

Thankfully mistaking the look on her face for confusion rather than the jealousy Gwiboon fears it actually is, Minho introduces them, “Amber, this is Jinki’s roommate Gwiboon. Gwiboon, this is our friend Amber. She’s in my major so we have most of our classes together.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Gwiboon!” Amber says excitedly, reaching across the table to shake her hand. Gwiboon smiles and returns in English, “You too, Amber.”

 

The other girl smiles brightly at her and Gwiboon feels her earlier animosity slipping away at the friendly face before her. Amber turns to Minho excitedly, “Minho! Guess what?”

 

“What?” he chuckles, digging into his lunch before him. How on earth is he going to eat all of that food? Gwiboon thinks to herself while beginning to pick at her own plate.

 

“I get to go to New Zealand after all! My parents finally agreed to let me take that trip with Professor Earnest!”

 

“That’s great!” he smiles bemusedly at his friend who seems overzealous at the prospect of visiting a foreign country.

 

“Minho – guess what they have in New Zealand?! Just guess!”

 

Rolling his eyes at her continued enthusiasm, Minho purses his lips in (fake) contemplation as if he doesn’t know where this is heading. Gwiboon watches their interaction in fascination and waits for the inside joke to surface.

 

“I don’t know, Amber, what do they have there?”

 

“Llamas!” she finally bursts as if she was unable to contain herself any longer.

 

Minho laughs out loud and rubs her hair affectionately. Amber stares at him expectantly until he finally scrunches his nose and shakes his head endearingly, giving in to whatever the younger girl is expecting of him.

 

“Amber is,” he begins to singsong, causing Gwiboon to choke on her rice at the sweet tone.

 

“A llama,” Amber replies, smiley widely.

 

“Llama is…”

 

“Amber!”

 

“Amber…”

 

“Llama!”

 

“Llama…”

 

“Amber!”

 

“Llama…”

 

“Sseh-tae!” Amber finishes the song and they both burst out laughing. Jinki rolls his eyes at their antics and Gwiboon sits there, completely unsure of what just happened.

 

“I think we scared your roommate, Jinki,” Amber says, quieting down after looking at Gwiboon.

 

Gwiboon shakes her head and laughs feebly, “Sorry, I had an early morning,” to which she shoots a glare at Minho and Jinki who smile sheepishly before returning to their lunches.

 

“So what are you studying, Gwiboon?” Amber asks her politely.

 

“I am in the English program,” she replies, fiddling with her fork at the thought of attending her first class after lunch.

 

“That’s cool! Do you want to be a teacher back in Korea?”

 

Gwiboon shakes her head, “I’m not sure what I want to do. I just know that I like learning languages.”

 

Amber nods, smiling encouragingly at her.

 

“Yeah, it took me a while to figure out that I wanted to be a teacher, so don’t worry – you’ll figure it out eventually!”

 

Gwiboon smiled at her kindness and decided that she did like Amber, even if she was a bit odd and had an unusual relationship with Minho. Who was she to dictate what type of relationship he could have with other girls anyway?

 

Gwiboon yawned once again, moving her hand up to cover her mouth so as not to be rude. As she lowered her arm, she caught a glimpse of the time and shot out of her chair.

 

“Oh, I have to go! I’m going to be late for my class!”

 

“What class do you have?” Amber asks.

 

“English Literature 101. I don’t want to be late – it was nice meeting you! See you later!” Gwiboon drops her food tray off at the cleaning station. Trying to remember how to get to her class and not quite paying attention to her surroundings, she bumps right into someone on her way out of the building, causing her phone to go flying and the other person’s things to scatter around them.

 

“Oh, I am so sorry!” She says, frantically trying to gather everything up quickly.

 

“What?” the other person says in English, making Gwiboon realize that she had accidentally spoken in Korean.

 

“Oh! I am sorry,” she tries again, looking up to see that she had run into a rather tall American student with bright blonde hair and blue eyes.

 

“That’s okay,” he says, crouching down to help her gather his things. She hands over his things, bowing her head slightly and apologizing once again. At this point other students have stopped to stare at the scene and Gwiboon can’t help but blush at all of the attention.

 

Standing to leave, Gwiboon brushes off her knees and makes sure that her dress is laying flat and her hair is in order. Before she can leave, however, the guy grabs her wrist and says, “Wait, you forgot this,” handing her phone to her.

 

“Thank you,” she says, looking up (and up and up!) to meet his eyes. He really is quite tall, so much so that she fears she might get a crick in her neck if she looks up at him for too long.

 

“No problem….” He looks at her keenly, not releasing her arm. Gwiboon grows flustered and is unsure what he wants.

 

“My name is Isaac. What’s yours?” He finally prompts her, smiling.

 

“Oh! My name is Gwiboon, sorry.”

 

“Gwi…boon?” he repeats, stumbling over the sounds slightly.

 

Gwiboon returns his smile so as not to be rude before her phone interrupts them and she sees that she has a text message from Jinki: “Hey! I gave your phone number to Amber since she says she has the same class as you. See you later!”

 

As soon as she finishes reading the first message she receives another from an unknown number: “Hey, Gwiboon! This is Amber – Jinx gave me your number since you ran out so quickly! I actually have the same English class as you and was wondering if you wanted to sit by each other. I just got to the room but didn’t see you….?”

 

Gwiboon hastily looks at the time and screeches, “Oh no! I’m sorry, I have to go,” before rushing off to her first class.

 

She enters the classroom right as the professor is beginning to take role, quickly spotting Amber before sitting down next to her.

 

“Glad you could make it,” Amber nudges her shoulder teasingly. Gwiboon laughs and fixes her bangs, wiping off the sweat that had accumulated from her brisk walk over.

 

“Evans, Isaac,” the professor drawls lazily, just as the boy Gwiboon had bumped into earlier enters the classroom.

 

“Here,” he says, smiling widely at the professor who just nods and resumes reading from the list. Gwiboon ducks her head so that her hair is covering her face but she watches the boy take a seat across the room from her. She can see Amber give a quizzical look from the corner of her eye but pretends she doesn’t see her. Gwiboon isn’t sure why she’s nervous all of a sudden, but she completely misses it when her name is called.

 

“Is there a Kim, Kibum here?” the professor asks rather loudly, disrupting her from her thoughts.

 

“Kibum?” he prompts again, looking pointedly around the room.

 

Gwiboon’s heart catches at the name and she breathes deeply to remind herself that she can handle this no problem, no fuss.

 

Shaking only slightly, she raises her hand and says, “Um, I’m Kibum, but I go by Gwiboon.” She looks directly into the professor’s eyes and he nods, jotting down a note before moving on.

 

Gwiboon releases her breath slowly, proud of herself for not completely freaking out. She was finding that Kibum wasn’t quite as triggering for her as she it once had been. Ever since she had moved to New York and had had to interact with her birth name much more often than she had while living in Korea, the name wasn’t as foreign or as upsetting.

 

Her first class in America turns out to be even less eventful than she had thought it would be. The professor only went through the syllabus and outlined the books they would be reading for the semester as well as any major projects that they would be required to do. Before she knows it, the class is over and Amber is saying a quick goodbye before she rushes off to her next class.

 

Gwiboon is packing up her bag, elated that she doesn’t have class again until tomorrow. Thinking to make a quick escape back to her room for a nap, she rushes into the bustling hallway and doesn’t hear her name being called.

 

“Gwiboon!” a deep voice says as a hand brushes her back. Gwiboon jumps, not expecting the touch.

 

Turning, she sees Isaac whose very handsome face is looming over her with that almost too-bright smile.

 

“So what’re you doing tonight? My friend’s having a party for welcome week and you should definitely come.”

 

“Um…”

 

At her hesitation, Isaac seems to grow bolder and moves in that much closer. “Come on, it’ll be fun! You can meet a ton of people, plus I’ll be there.” He winks at the last statement and Gwiboon feels herself blush.

 

“Um, I guess.”

 

“Great! Here’s the address,” he says, writing on her hand. “Party starts at 8, so I’ll see you there!”

 

Gwiboon’s eyes follow him as he walks away, watches as he disappears out the door into the bright afternoon sunlight. She glances down at her hand and wonders just what Jinki and Minho will say about accompanying her to her very first college party in America.

 

~~~

 

After some convincing, but a thorough reminder that the two boys had very rudely awakened Gwiboon early that morning, the two agree to go with her to Isaac’s party.

 

“Who is this guy?” Jinki asks as they finally find the correct house. (Not like they would have been able to miss it because as soon as they were a block away they had heard the commotion from the loud music and drunk college students.)

 

“Someone from my English class,” Gwiboon says, too distracted to notice the suspicious glance between Jinki and Minho as they make their way towards the front door.

 

Once inside, the loud music takes away any opportunity for the trio to speak so Minho decides to take charge and forges his way through the crowd towards what Gwiboon assumes to be the kitchen.

 

“Hey there!” someone yells into her ear, cutting in front of her so that they are blocking her view of her friends.

 

Slightly annoyed, Gwiboon looks up and sees Isaac standing before her, a red cup in one hand and a bottle of something in another.

 

“Glad you could make it!” he shouts again, his beer-stained breath invading her nostrils even as she marvels at his ability to be heard over all of the noise. “This is for you!” He drunkenly shoves the bottle, which has not yet been opened, into her hands and smiles charmingly, although sloppily, before reaching out to move her aside as another group tries to get past them.

 

Gwiboon examines the bottle cryptically, not quite sure what it is but willing to try anything. Although Jonghyun was a total homebody, they had been to their fair share of parties back home and she was no novice.

 

Twisting the cap off of the beverage, she raised it in a salute to Isaac before taking a swig and swallowing down the cool, wheat taste of a generic beer. She cringed slightly at the taste but took another sip, eager for the alcohol to help take the edge off of her nerves.

 

The loud bass of the next song discouraged any further discussion and the two continued to stand on the outskirts of the living room, which had now become a dance floor. Although it was barely 8:30PM, most of the people there were already drunk and were making it obvious that they had come here to have a good time.

 

Gwiboon took another swig of her drink before glancing around for her friends. It was hard to see anything through the dark room that was filled with smoke and flashing lights, but she figured that Jinki or Minho would text her if they needed her. She had tucked her phone into her bra earlier due to the general lack of pockets and her previous party experiences where the only way she could feel her phone was if it vibrated right on her chest.

 

Another song came on and Isaac whooped, fist pumping in the air and causing some of his drink to slosh out onto the floor. Gwiboon moved away to avoid anything from spilling on her only to have a large warm arm wrapped around her waist.

 

“Let’s dance!” Isaac shouted into her ear, dragging her onto the dance floor after she had nodded her agreement.

 

Gwiboon loved to dance and it had been too long since she had been able to lose herself in the moment. She followed Isaac into the throng of people around them and finished off her drink, setting the bottle down on a table before she could accidentally drop it.

 

Isaac drew her back to his side and began moving to the beat, maintaining eye contact and making Gwiboon blush. He smiled and placed his hands on her hips, deliberately moving them from side to side as if to help her ease into the dance. As soon as she started moving on her own, he dropped his hands.

 

Two songs and several beers later, Gwiboon was feeling at ease and happy that she had decided to come. This was just what she needed after a stressful move and transition to the US. All of the built up stress and tension seemed to seep from her body as she allowed the music to course through her and the alcohol to numb her senses.

 

The energy of the crowd was intoxicating and she threw back her head, laughing at the feeling of euphoria that washed through her.

 

The tempo changed slightly and the crowd shifted, pairs beginning to dance much more sensually to the music as the bass pounded through the room. Drawn in by the beat, Gwiboon felt herself being turned and a hard, hot body press itself against her back. Isaac’s strong hips gyrated against hers and she followed the movement, loving the feeling of being intimate and not being self-conscious of her body, of who she is.

 

Isaac’s big hands once again find purchase on her hips, fingers splayed so that they cover her stomach and almost meet in at her belly button. She hears him moan as his grip tightens and he pulls her in closer to his body.

 

His hands travel sensually down her sides until they are resting on her thighs, moving up and down in a rhythm that follows the music. Gwiboon sighs into the feeling of being so free and so wanted, Isaac’s hardness against her ass a constant reminder of just how she is affecting him.

 

Through her haze of alcohol and bliss, she registers that her own excitement is beginning to grow and her underwear has become a little bit tighter under her denim skirt. Not knowing how Isaac might react to her body, especially as his hands get closer and closer to their target, she attempts to move away from him, hoping to return to their earlier face-to-face dancing, only to have his strong hands grip her legs tightly and force her back into him so that she cannot move.

 

Panic beginning to settle in, she tries to move away again but is unsuccessful as he only continues his path up her thighs, his hands now moving towards her crotch.

 

“No,” she says, grabbing his hands and hoping to stop them. “Stop it, I don’t…” but she doesn’t know what to say and so stops midsentence, desperately trying to refocus her mind to deal with the situation.

 

Gwiboon stiffens her body, no longer willing to give him any excuse to think she is okay with what he is doing. Isaac, however, remains oblivious to her discomfort and inches his hands up until he has successfully found the juncture of her thighs. Gasping in drunken rage, Gwiboon desperately strikes out, her elbows jamming backwards into the strong wall of his chest and causing him to jerk backwards.

 

Rather than dislodging him from her body, he tightens his grip to not lose balance and, no doubt feeling the obvious un-femininity of her body tucked between her legs, goes still. His hand gropes a second time as if to reassure himself that he had been wrong the first time and Gwiboon yells out in indignation at the way he has so obviously violated her.

 

“You’re not a girl?!” he shouts into her ear, releasing his grip and turning her around to face him. His face is bright red and he has one hand gripped tightly on her shoulder as if to keep her from running away.

 

Gwiboon spits in his face before punching him in the stomach, the knock making him bend over and gasp for breath.

 

“I am a girl, you asshole,” she shouts, causing some of the dancers around them to look over and take in the sight. Before Gwiboon can complete her second blow, this one aimed at his face, a gentle hand grabs her fist and pulls her back.

 

Upset at being interrupted, she glances up to face her accuser only to be met with Minho’s large frog-eyes. The tension leaves her body at the sight of him and she steps back, putting two feet between her and Isaac.

 

The tall blonde is now standing and, glaring angrily at the pair, makes to move forward only to be hit squarely in the jaw by another first. The look on his face makes Gwiboon laugh out loud before he is crumpled on the floor, knocked out. She looks up to see that Minho is still standing silently next to her before glancing over to see that it had been Jinki who had punched the blonde.

 

Jinki is now shaking his hand, which is beginning to bruise from the impact, and walking towards them.

 

“Are you all right?” he asks, concern etched into his handsome features.

 

Gwiboon nods and can feel Minho put his arm around her, not touching but guiding her away and towards the door.

 

The three walk quietly and quickly back towards Jinki and Gwiboon’s dorm, the atmosphere somber and full of tension.

 

Gwiboon’s mind is still reeling with the events, adrenaline fighting to eliminate the last traces of alcohol in her body. She can feel the tenseness in Minho’s stride next to her as he carefully keeps his strides short to match hers and purposefully looks everywhere but at her. Jinki is ahead of them, typing away on his phone as if he is desperately talking to someone.

 

When they finally reach their building, Jinki, still distracted by his phone, enters first and misses the way that Minho’s hand snakes out to gently catch on Gwiboon’s wrist and keep her from following.

 

She catches the steely look in his eye and doesn’t question when he pulls her around the side of the building, away from the lit entryway.

 

“Are you okay? Really?” he says quietly, fiercely into the night air between them.

 

Gwiboon moves until she is leaning against the building, her arms wrapped around herself. She honestly isn’t sure how to answer, so she doesn’t.

 

Accepting her silence, Minho joins her on the wall as they both stare out into the city lights.

 

“You know, I was mostly just afraid of what he might say,” Gwiboon finally whispers, having had a chance to think through exactly what had happened. Her feelings were still a whir of alcohol and adrenaline but her gut was urging her to speak. Minho was the type of person to stay her all night until she was able to answer his question, not because he was pushy but because he cared enough to give her time and space and not leave her alone to struggle through it all.

 

She glanced sideways at him, curious to how he would react. He remained stoic and so she continued, letting the words come to her as she spoke.

 

“I just, I’ve never been somewhere where people don’t know about me, you know? So the thought never crossed my mind about what might happen when one of them found out… especially in such a shocking way…” she trailed off as the truth in her words hit home.

 

“I mean, I usually have time to tell people about my whole body situation before we get that intimate – not that I’m really that intimate with a lot of people, really just one but – “ she could feel herself getting into a tangent and fought to focus her thoughts. Taking a breath to calm herself, she proceeded, “It’s just never happened before where someone finds out that I have a boy body by being physically intimate. I mean, I usually get to explain that I’m a girl stuck in a boy’s body and tonight I just didn’t – “

 

“Stop.”

 

The word is spoken so quietly yet so forcefully that Gwiboon can’t help but fall silent.

 

“Gwiboon, is that honestly what you’re thinking?” he asks, finally looking sideways so that their eyes meet. The intensity in his gaze captivates Gwiboon and she can only nod, not sure if she has the energy or the wherewithal to go through everything she had just said.

 

“Gwi,” he breathes, moving closer until he is merely inches from her, his hand lingering above her cheek as if afraid to caress it. Unknowingly, she leans up until his hand is placed firmly on her cheek and his thumb begins a slow, gentle caress across her cheekbone.

 

“Gwi,” he starts again, his eyes closing as if he needs to gather his thoughts. A little thrill goes through her that she can affect him so much but she shushes the notion, reminding herself that her heart has already been stolen once.

 

“You know that’s not true, right? You aren’t a girl stuck in a boy’s body, or whatever it was that you said.”

 

Her eyes snap open at his words, confusion creasing her brow as she waits for him to continue.

 

“You,” he says, moving his hand to her neck before stepping back and poking her in the head, “are perfect just the way you are. You are a girl and you have a body, end of story.”

 

Gwiboon’s breath catches and her head spins as if she is floating.

 

“What?” she says, the meaning of his words unable to sink in fully.

 

“You are exactly who you are supposed to be and you are beautiful,” he says, leaning down until his face is right in front of hers. “Stop telling yourself that you’re stuck, you are Kim Gwiboon and you are the most beautiful person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.”

 

Minho’s breath is fanning her cheek and Gwiboon can’t help but lean in closer as if she can physically feel exactly what he is saying.

 

Distracted by his mouth, which is now silent, she misses the look in his eye as his hand gently cups her chin and forces her to look up and meet his intense gaze.

 

“Don’t you ever tell yourself that you’re not perfect - that you’re ‘stuck.’ Do you hear me?”

 

Gwiboon nods, the motion somewhat hindered by Minho’s grip on her face but still noticeable enough that he smiles down at her and then makes as if to move away. Before he can get too far, Gwiboon is moving forwards and wrapping her own hand under Minho’s chin, leaning up into him until their lips meet.

 

The feeling is brief yet filled with meaning as the two break contact and look straight into each others’ eyes. A look flashes through Minho’s soulful eyes before he once again removes the distance between them and captures her mouth in a passionate clash of lips and teeth.

 

Gwiboon’s heart flutters at the contact, at the emotions that threaten to overwhelm her as she gets swept away in the kiss. She is unable to think, unable to breathe, unable to do anything except give into the kiss – give into Minho – until her head is swimming from lack of oxygen.

 

Minho finally breaks the kiss, gently resting his forehead against hers before nuzzling his nose against hers and pecking her top lip lightly. Gwiboon can’t help but giggle at the feeling, loving the way that he seeks closeness but doesn’t overpower her.

 

A sharp vibration hits her collarbone and cuts through the moment, causing her to take a step back and reach into her bra for her insistently vibrating phone. She sees that the caller ID is Jinki and hurries to answer it, feeling guilty for possibly making him worry about her even more.

 

“Are you and Minho done yet?” is all he says as she answers his call. She glances up and Minho, eyes widening in shock at Jinki’s question.

 

“Um…sorry, oppa, we just-“

 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to bed so you better not make any noise when you get up here. You are coming up, right? Minho hasn’t-“

 

“No!” Gwiboon squeaks, embarrassed at the implication. “I’m coming up right now, sorry.”

 

“Okay. Well I’ll see you soon then.”

 

Just before Gwiboon can hang up the phone, Jinki quickly says, “Oh and I maybe kind of texted your brother and told him what happened and he might be freaking out and want to jump on the next plane here to kill that guy okay bye!” before hanging up.

 

At the look of horror on her face, Minho moves closer, “Is everything all right? You look pale…”

 

Gwiboon can only clench her phone in her hands before she marches back to the front of the building, anger once again riling in her chest.

 

“I’ll see you later then?” Minho asks hopefully behind her.

 

Not wanting to seem rude, Gwiboon turns on her heel and places a short, and somewhat angry, kiss onto Minho’s parted lips before turning back around and entering the building.

 

The tall boy stares after her, his hand lifting to touch his lips before smiling shyly and beginning to make his way back to his own building.


	7. Revelations

“Are you okay?” Jonghyun asked her anxiously, his face so close to the screen that it made it hard for Gwiboon to focus on her laptop.

 

Shooting a menacing glare at her roommate who was now conveniently distracted by his textbook, she turned back to her brother and sighed.

 

“Yes, I’m fine, Jonghyun-ah. I promise.”

 

He didn’t look convinced and opened his mouth as if to ask again, but his phone began ringing and distracted him momentarily. Jonghyun’s eyes widened slightly at whatever message he had received before he typed in a quick reply and returned his attention to his sister.

 

“I know you think you’re okay, but are you really? If you need me there, I’ll be there as soon as I can! You know that.”

 

Gwiboon smiled fondly at the concern lacing her brother’s words and couldn’t help but feel guilty. She honestly didn’t know how she felt about last night – about the incident that Jonghyun was so worried about – because she was so focused on what had happened after.

 

The memory of Minho’s lips against hers sent a shiver down her body and her hand reached subconsciously to touch her lips.

 

Jonghyun caught the movement and became noticeably more concerned. “Hey, what’s up? You know you can tell me anything.”

 

Gwiboon swallowed, not quite sure what to say. How could she explain that she might have a thing for Minho?

 

“I don’t know, Jongie. I just. Everything here is so different. I feel so different,” she said tiredly, rubbing her temples and shooting an anxious look over at Jinki. Although they were friends, she wasn’t sure how much information she wanted to share with him sitting only feet from her.

 

Jinki glanced up at her silence and looked questioningly at her.

 

“Jinki-ssi, would you mind…giving us some space?” she asked quietly, hoping that he wouldn’t be upset.

 

“Of course! You should talk to your brother! I’ll just go to the library or something.” And with that Jinki gathered his things and left the room, the door clicking shut behind him.

 

Finally alone, Gwiboon looked back at her brother. Although she was glad he was with her, the computer was a poor substitution for the real thing. The computer couldn’t hug her or pat her back comfortingly. The computer couldn’t play with her hair or rock her to sleep.

 

The distance between them felt overwhelmingly stifling, the shock of it hitting straight to her core and causing tears to well at the corner of her eyes before falling freely down her face.

 

Jonghyun shifted forward slightly on the screen, his chair creaking with his movements as he struggled with what to do. Gwiboon could see the pain he felt at not being able to embrace her, could see his own tears beginning to form as the reality of the distance between them hit him, too.

 

“I miss you, Jonghyun-ah. I miss you and appa and eomma. I miss home,” she gasped through her tears. She hadn’t realized just how much until this very moment.

 

“I’m so confused,” she whispered, her voice strained from the effort of crying but still strong. “I-I just…I don’t know who I am or what I want anymore.”

 

Jonghyun, still crying softly, waited for her to continue, knowing that she had more to say.

 

“I-I thought that I loved Taemin – and I do, I really do – but I don’t think I’ve ever really loved myself.”

 

The words hung between them and the reality of them finally hit Gwiboon. For years she had been Gwiboon, the girl stuck in a boy’s body, but that was exactly the problem. She had never fully accepted herself as a whole person; she had always thought of her mind and body as two separate entities constantly at war with one another.

 

It wasn’t until last night that any other possibility had even crossed her mind. Minho’s kind words spoken with such conviction had caused walls she didn’t know she had to come tumbling down.

 

“What do you mean, Gwiboon-ah?” Jonghyun asked softly, his tears finally subsiding.

 

She tried to wrap her mind around what she was thinking but she didn’t know how to put it into words.

 

“I guess I’ve always thought of myself as Gwiboon, the girl living in a boy’s body. I mean sure, I take hormones and have developed-“ she caught herself at the awkward turn in the conversation. Although she and Jonghyun were very close, they rarely talked about her body quite so specifically.

 

“Even though I’ve always felt like a girl, I had this lingering doubt that people would know who I really am…. Like ‘Kibum’ has been haunting me. I was always terrified of the idea of him, but now I’m not so sure….” Her words trailed off, the ensuing silence resonating with the truth behind them.

 

“Oh, Bon Bon,” Jonghyun cooed affectionately, using his favorite endearment for her. Her usual consternation at the nickname was lost in the weight of his gaze, his love for her pouring through the screen and negating any earthly distance that separated them. “I didn’t know that was how you felt. I’m sorry for not knowing, for not helping you see that I love you – we love you – for just being you.”

 

Jonghyun’s words and the truth behind them bounced around her head like a pinball, jolting against what she had thought to believe were her truths but had actually been her defense mechanisms. She had been trying to make herself fit into a hole that couldn’t contain her, trying to stay carefully within the lines even though she had been destined to color outside of them.

 

It would take a while before she could fully process everything that had happened, everything that she was thinking and being told, everything that she was now willing to authentically explore about herself and she was grateful. Grateful for her brother’s unconditional love, for Jinki’s unhesitating friendship, for Minho’s unhindered attention and kind acceptance, and for Taemin’s love.

 

Taemin.

 

The name reverberated through her and she knew that she needed to call him. Knew that she needed to at least try to explain what was happening with her in hopes that he could understand.

 

But of course he would understand. He was one of her oldest friends, the person she was the closest to in every way - aside perhaps from Jonghyun.

 

“I love you so much, Jonghyun. You know that, right? How grateful I am to have you as a brother, as my twin. I don’t know who I would be without you.”

 

The confession fell from her lips, a deep desire for Jonghyun to know just how much he meant to her, had always meant to her.

 

Tears once again fell down Jonghyun’s cheeks, these ones more gentle than overpowering than their previous sobs had been. He simply nodded in response, words not really needed to convey that he felt the same.

 

Smiling wistfully at him, she stuck out her tongue playfully in hopes of cutting through the seriousness of their conversation.

 

“Since when did you start texting Jinki-ah?” Her sly words had the intended affect as her brother sat up straighter and stopped crying, a faint redness beginning to overtake his tear-stained cheeks.

 

“Uh…” Jonghyun’s sudden bashfulness made Gwiboon burst out laughing. Their normal banter followed, with Jonghyun attempting to explain his friendship with Jinki and Gwiboon throwing in jibes at his façade.

 

Happiness once again coursed through her, spreading slowly from the grin on her face to the warmth in her chest until it encompassed her entire body and she was able to finally chip away the heaviness she had been carrying with her for so long. She was excited to begin exploring this new part of herself – of how she thought about herself – and hoped that those she loved would be able to follow.


	8. Secrets

It was official, Taemin was avoiding her.

 

After some hesitation, Gwiboon had finally gathered enough courage to contact him. She had waited anxiously for his response to her text. Nothing. She even tried sending it again in case he had missed it. Nothing. After two days of nothing, Gwiboon’s pride took a hit and she decided that she wouldn’t take no for an answer. So, of course, she bombarded him with messages through every form of social media or personal connection she knew. She even tried having Jonghyun text him for her for Taemin seemed to be hiding.

 

All she got for her efforts was a big, fat nothing.

 

It was a Friday afternoon and Gwiboon was waiting for Jinki in the library. She had just finished working on some homework with Amber and, once again, was checking her phone desperately for any word from Taemin. The other girl didn’t miss the melancholy mood but tried not to let Gwiboon see her curiosity.

 

Not seeing any responses, Gwiboon sighed dejectedly before shutting her phone and looking around the library for Jinki.

 

“Where is that old man?” she asked, mostly to herself but loud enough for Amber to catch it.

 

“I can wait with you if you want some company?” Amber asked, not wanting to leave the other girl alone if she was having an off day. Jinki had told her about Gwiboon’s conversation with her brother and knew that she was going through some identity issues, but Amber was also concerned about the party incident. She didn’t want Gwiboon to think she was alone in this and had made sure to cut off any of Isaac’s attempts to talk to her in their class.

 

“No, that’s okay, llama. I’ll just read or something. Thanks for offering.”

 

“No problem. I guess I’ll see you later?”

 

“K,” was all Gwiboon said before once again returning her attention to her phone. She was almost annoyed with herself for how much she now depended on the thing, but she was going a little crazy trying to reach Taemin. What if he didn’t love her anymore? What if he had found someone else? What if he was still heartbroken?

 

The silence was driving her crazy and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could handle it.

 

“Gwiboon-ah!” Minho’s loud voice shocked her so much that she nearly fell out of her seat.

 

“Minho,” she hissed, adjusting herself so that she was once again sitting normally. “We are in the library!”

 

He only chuckled, ruffling her hair before sitting down next to her. Gwiboon got a whiff of his cologne, a heavenly smell, and tried to scoot her chair away, but he just leaned in so that he was invading her space, as usual.

 

“Hey, you,” he said, this time in a quieter voice as he pecked her cheek and nuzzled their noses together. Gwiboon tried not to swoon at the actions, but he was just too perfect sometimes.

 

“Uh…hi…” was all she managed to say, her worry over Taemin combined with Minho’s overwhelming presence too much for her to even pretend to be coherent.

 

“Aigoo, so cute,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before finally sitting back in his chair. Although there was now some distance between them, Minho was still sitting too close for comfort. They hadn’t done anything since that night - since the kiss – but Minho had definitely started to take some liberty with skinship.

 

Gwiboon loved it, she did, but it also made her stomach clench. Minho somehow found ways to get close to her. One minute he would be sitting at Jinki’s desk for a study session and the next he would be leaning over her to reach something, his arm brushing against her. Or, even more bewildering, he somehow knew how to find the perfect time to sneak a quick peck on the cheek or a light squeeze to her waist just when Jinki or Amber looked away. Everything he did made Gwiboon’s heart flutter, she just couldn’t figure out if it was from excitement or guilt.

 

“What’re you doing tonight?” he asked, his voice calm but his body rigid as if he was anxious for her response.

 

“Nothing,” she said, almost like a question but she hoped neutral enough to stop any additional questions.

 

“We should do something, just the two of us.”

 

Gwiboon bit her lip. She did not have time for this, she needed to try and talk to Taemin before she let this thing with Minho – whatever it was – get any further.

 

An uncomfortable silence settled over them as Gwiboon avoided eye contact and Minho tried to act cool and collected. She risked a quick glance and saw the uncharacteristic worry line on his forehead, the unusual stiffness to his body as he leaned back in the chair, his arms crossed and his gaze trained on his feet rather than looking up. She was so used to Minho’s large, penetrating gaze and forward advances, that she was shocked that the nervous boy before her was the same person.

 

Her heart clenched at the thought, her poor frog-eyed prince was actually worried that she would reject him.

 

“Minho,” she said softly, leaning forward so that she was now the one invading his space. “I would love to do something with you.” The words left her mouth before she could take them back, but as that mega-watt smile returned to his face she realized that she didn’t want to take them back.

 

She smiled back at him, their gazes meeting briefly before he glanced down at her lips and back up just as quickly, his pupils dilated. The feeling between them intensified and Gwiboon was sucked in; too enraptured to remember what she had been worrying about before.

 

Minho leaned forward slowly, as if drawn closer to her they were two magnets being brought slowly together. Gwiboon felt herself following his movements, no longer aware of anything except the two of them, sitting next to each other and breathing each other in. She closed her eyes in anticipation, ready for his soft lips to overwhelm her, only to feel them brush softly over her forehead briefly before he was gone.

 

Bereft of his warmth, Gwiboon opened her eyes and saw that he was blushing slightly and was once again leaning back in his chair, arms crossed and head bowed.

 

No longer distracted by his closeness, she shook her head to throw off any vestiges of lust still lingering in her system. Gwiboon was embarrassed to acknowledge that it wasn’t quite so easy, Minho’s wonderful scent still tickled her nostrils and lasting feeling of that intense gaze were wound throughout her nervous system like roots on a tree, entrenched so deep that she wasn’t sure how she could uproot it entirely.

 

Jinki, always late to the party, finally arrived at their table. He was surprised to see Minho but didn’t comment as he bombarded Gwiboon with questions about her day. He seemed unusually chipper, and unusually interested in her answers, so Gwiboon couldn’t help but tease him a little.

 

“Jinki, how’s Jonghyun-ah doing? I haven’t talked to him yet today,” she said as casually as possible, catching Minho’s broad grin out of the corner of her eye.

 

“Oh, he’s good, just had some- wait, what? No, that’s not-“ Halfway through his response, he finally caught on and Gwiboon couldn’t hold back a shit-eating grin as Minho barked out a laugh. Jinki finally stopped talking, his mouth just opening and closing as he stared between the two like a fish gasping for air, waiting for a lifeline. One that would not be given to him.

 

“Jinki-oppa, can you please just admit that you’re dating my brother? It’s getting kind of annoying to pretend like you’re just friends,” was all Gwiboon said, refusing to back down. If Jinki was allowed to poke his nose into her business with Minho, then she could return the favor.

 

“I- uh… we’re not- you know that. We’re just, uh-“

 

“Do not,” Gwiboon said, emphasizing each syllable, “tell me that you’re just friends. That’s bullshit. I know my brother and I know you. Don’t even try to play this game with me, Lee Jinki. I’ll win.”

 

He sat there, dumbfounded, as Minho once again leaned forward smile wide on his face as he brushed a hand down Gwiboon’s back and pinched her side.

 

“Don’t upset the old man,” he said, winking down at her.

 

“Not you too!” Jinki whined, slamming his fist on the table to demonstrate his frustration with Minho using Gwiboon’s preferred nickname for him.

 

Minho and Gwiboon both burst out laughing only to be shushed seconds later by other students who were actually trying to study on a Friday night. Cowed by their peers, they all gathered their things and walked briskly towards the exit where the bright sun greeted them.

 

“So what’re we doing tonight?” Jinki asked, making his way towards his and Gwiboon’s dorm since Minho’s roommate gets easily annoyed about having people over. Minho drew back and grabbed Gwiboon’s hand, halting her attempt to follow Jinki.

 

“Hyung, we’re actually going to do something just the two of us tonight, if that’s all right?” he said, now entwining their fingers. Jinki stopped walked and turned around, trying to stare too long at their hands.

 

“Oh, that’s –uh, yeah, that’s cool, I guess.”

 

“Great! We’ll see you later, hyung,” Minho said, waving at him before dragging Gwiboon after him.

 

Although it felt weird to hold hands with Minho in public, it also felt wonderful. Gwiboon tried not to think too hard about why the simple touch made her blood sing or her stomach feel light, but she knew it would have to be revisited at some point. For now, however, she allowed herself to be dragged along, pulling on Minho’s arm to have him slow down since her shoes weren’t the best for quick jaunts across campus.

 

He slowed down, smiling sheepishly at her as if afraid his enthusiasm had shown too much, and Gwiboon couldn’t help but smile widely back. He really was too cute.

 

“Where are we going?” she finally asked after they had walked for a few more minutes in silence.

 

Minho shrugged without answering, but she opted to let it be. Carpe diem, right?

~~~

 

Jinki stared at his computer screen, Jonghyun smiling at him from the bright surface.

 

“Hyung, I told you she would find out. I don’t know why you wanted to pretend like she wouldn’t know.”

 

“Jonghyun-ah, I didn’t think she’d guess it so quickly!” he whined, upset that he couldn’t bask in the special feeling of his recent relationship. It had taken them weeks to finally admit their feelings to each other and Jinki had only wanted to have it be a secret for a little bit before he had to start sharing it with the whole world.

 

“Jinki-hyung, Gwiboon is part of my world, you know that.” Jonghyun says, making Jinki realize he had said that last bit aloud. “She’s my twin. There was no way this would have been a secret. I bet she knew about us before we did!” He laughs, the light sound causing Jinki to smile until the two are just staring and smiling at each other stupidly.

 

“Well, I have an update for you, I guess,” Jinki finally says, not wanting to admit that he could honestly stare at his boyfriend for hours on end with no need for words.

 

“What?!” the other boy says, almost too excited to hear the most recent gossip the elder has on his twin sister.

 

“Minho and Gwiboon are on a date, right now!”

 

Jinki waits for Jonghyun to say something, to make a funny facial expression – do anything – but the blonde only stares back at him, a look of worry crossing his face.

 

“What is it, Jonghyun-ah?”

 

“I thought she was trying to get back together with Taemin-ah?” Jonghyun’s brows crease in worry and a slight feeling of foreboding settles in the pit of Jinki’s stomach.

 

“I don’t know…I don’t think they’ve actually talked.”

 

Jonghyun nods his head, “They haven’t, but I finally talked to him and he-“

 

Before he could answer a loud knock sounded on the door and he jumps in his seat.

 

“Jinki? Gwiboon? It’s Aliza!” the RA yells through the door. Jinki sighs, holding up a finger to tell Jonghyun to wait for one minute.

 

“Hey, Aliza!” Jinki says cheerfully as he opens the door, smiling widely at his RA. She doesn’t usually drop by unannounced, but he’s always happy to talk to her. “What’s up?”

 

“Is Gwiboon here?” she says, attempting to look past Jinki into the empty room. Jonghyun can barely be seen on his computer screen from the doorway, but he waves at the pair as if he’s in the room with them.

 

“No, she’s out for the night…” Jinki’s unsure where this is going, before he notices that Aliza isn’t alone.

 

“Oh, well she has a visitor but we’ve been having some trouble communicating… could you maybe translate for me?”

 

“Sure…” Jinki isn’t sure what’s going on exactly but that sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach has returned full force.

 

“This young man is here to see Gwiboon, but we can’t quite figure out anything beyond that. He also mentioned you, so I brought him up with me, but I just wanted to check with you before-“

 

“Annyeonghasayo,” Jinki says to the young man standing behind Aliza. He assumes he speaks Korean since Aliza asked Jinki to translate.

 

The young man nods, eyes widening slightly before bowing and returning the greeting.

 

“Are you looking for Gwiboon-ssi?”

 

“Ne,” he says, looking past Jinki as if hoping to see her. He eyes Jinki warily, seemingly unsure as to why Jinki and Gwiboon would share a room, but Jinki presses on.

 

“What’s your name?”

 

“Lee Taemin.”

 

Jinki tries not to stare, but he finds it hard as he assures Aliza that Taemin can stay and the RA leaves. Taemin follows Jinki into his room before noticing that Jonghyun is on the computer screen.

 

“Taemin-ah?!” Jonghyun screeches at him from the computer. Taemin waves guiltily before Jinki rushes to cut off the chat, telling Jonghyun that he’ll talk to him later.

 

Turning slowly to face the younger, Jinki takes in the man that has been driving Gwiboon into manic episodes of stubbornness and depression. The younger clears his throat, obviously uneasy in Jinki’s presence. Jinki offers for him to sit at one of the desks and Taemin does, arms stiff at his side while he looks around the room and smiles at the messy array of Gwiboon’s clothes and bedding. He reaches to touch a recent picture she had printed of Jinki, Minho, Amber, and her at their favorite café down the street from a few days ago, only to stop halfway there as he notices the way Minho has his arm curled around Gwiboon’s shoulders and the way her head is leaning on his shoulder.

 

Taemin abruptly turns to stare at Jinki, his serious gaze penetrating the elder to the core.

 

“Where’s Gwiboon-ah?”

 

Jinki honestly doesn’t know what to say.


	9. Surprise!

Gwiboon watched from a distance as Minho played soccer with a young boy. They had slowly made their way to Central Park and after sitting on a bench in comfortable silence a runaway soccer ball had bounced against their legs. It didn’t take long before Minho was kicking the ball back to little boy with curly red hair and a bright smile.

 

Catching her staring, Minho winks at her, yelling at her to join them but she only shakes her head. She may be a person with many skills, but soccer is not one of them.

 

Her phone vibrates endlessly in her pocket, but she continues to ignore it. After weeks of being glued to a blank screen that filled her with disappointment and heartache, Gwiboon has had enough moping. She is in New York to live it, not let it pass her by.

 

It’s amazing how content she feels now, watching Minho and observing the other people in the park. Even in a place so far from home that’s filled with so many unfamiliar faces, sights, and smells, her heart is at peace and she feels comfortable just being herself, just being in the moment. No matter how much she loves and misses her home, Gwiboon honestly can’t remember ever feeling so whole.

 

 

~

 

Minho passes the ball to the little boy, happy to see him smile and hear that little tyke laugh. The boy can’t be older than five but he seems perfectly fine playing soccer with a complete stranger. Although his mother is watching from a nearby bench, he’s happy that in a city so big, the park is still a place of community.

 

He catches a glimpse of Gwiboon staring idly off into the distance. Minho had hoped that she would be busy staring at him, but he is glad to see that she seems happy, more herself. Whatever had been on her mind for the past few weeks had been driving her slowly off a cliff, making her unapproachable and moody. Jinki had refused to say anything, but Minho wasn’t stupid. He knew that Gwiboon had ties back in Korea, but the rational side of his brain couldn’t stop his heart from beating every time her heard her laugh or his heart from stopping whenever he accidentally caught her staring at him. There was nothing lovelier than the faint blush that spread on her cheeks or the dimple that graced her mouth when she was caught red handed and he wouldn’t apologize for the way it made his heart soar.

 

Minho wasn’t sure what was going on, but he knew that he couldn’t let Gwiboon slip through his fingers.

 

~

 

Jinki paced the length of his dorm room, taking turns between staring at his phone – which was proving to be useless – and Taemin, who was still sitting patiently at Gwiboon’s desk.

 

“Dammit, Gwiboon,” Jinki muttered under his breath, willing the girl to just answer her damn phone. She had been glued to the device for days trying to get a hold of Taemin and now that he was here, literally in her own room, she had suddenly gone MIA.

 

Seeing no other choice, he finally dialed Minho and waited for his best friend to answer. He had wanted to avoid this conversation – who wanted to be the one to tell their friend that the girl he had a crush on had an unexpected visitor, especially when that visitor was her boyfriend, or whatever Taemin was? Not Jinki, that’s for sure.

 

“Hyung!” Minho crowed into the phone, a little out of breath from laughter. Gwiboon could be heard in the background, grumbling about leaves in her hair or something, but Jinki didn’t have the time to try and figure it out.

 

“Put Gwiboon on the phone!”

 

“Uh….okay…?” Minho’s confusion could clearly be heard in his hesitation but he followed Jinki’s directions because soon an agitated Gwiboon was snapping in his ear.

 

“How can I help you, old man?”

 

Taking a deep breath to give him strength, Jinki plowed through it without trying to overanalyze exactly what he would say to explain the situation. “Gwiboon-ah, you have a visitor. I really think you should come back. Now.”

 

“A visitor?” she reflected back, drawing out the syllables as if she was waiting for Jinki to say something else.

 

“Yes, a visitor. A special visitor. Please come home!”

 

“OH MY GOD!” Gwiboon yelled into the phone before disconnecting the line. Jinki stared at his phone as it returned to his home screen not sure what just happened.

 

“Is she coming?”

 

Jinki jumped five feet in the air, spinning around to find that Taemin was now standing right behind him.

 

“I- uh, I don’t know…?”

 

A hurt look crossed Taemin’s face before he once again sat down, crossing his arms and leaning back in the chair.

 

Whatever she was doing, Jinki sure hope she got here quick.

 

~

 

“I’m sorry, but I have to go!” Gwiboon thrust the phone into Minho’s chest, all but sprinting away from him in the direction they had come.

 

Minho waved goodbye to his little pal, smiling warmly at his mother, before he followed after Gwiboon. He didn’t know what Jinki had said but it had definitely brought the fire back to her eyes.

 

“Gwi, what’s going on? What’s the rush?” he panted, finally catching up with her.

 

“Jonghyun’s here!” she squealed, skipping a step in excitement as continued walking at a brisk pace. “I just knew he would visit – I knew it!”

 

Silence settled over them as they made their way back to campus. Gwiboon was itching with anticipation, no doubt wanting to see her brother after so long apart. Minho knew how special he was to her and was glad that she would be happy again. Maybe this was just the distraction she needed after worrying about that guy.

 

The more petty, selfish side of Minho was glad that she wouldn’t be dwelling on her past relationship, but he knew that it wouldn’t be that easy. Maybe he was a great guy, maybe they were perfect for each other, who knew? But maybe, just maybe, Minho was too.

 

~

Gwiboon’s heart was beating rapidly in her chest, her elation at getting to see her brother after so long was too almost too much for her to handle. She threw open the main entrance doors to her residence hall and halted at the long wait for the elevators.

 

“Screw it,” she cursed, turning toward the stairwell and bounding up the stairs. Five flights up she felt like she was dying but it was worth it if it meant she got to see Jonghyun faster.

 

She heard Minho clambering up the stairs behind her until she finally reached the seventh floor and pushed through the door. Her side ached and her breathing was heavy, but none of that mattered. She just wanted to see her brother, her person.

 

After what felt like ages, she finally reached her door and, taking one last deep breath, swung the door open, screaming, “Jonghyun-ah, you jerk!”

 

Jinki was standing in the middle of the room, staring at her with wide eyes and his eyebrows reaching almost to his hairline in shock. She bypassed him to search for her brother, only to see-

 

“T-taemin-ah?”

 

Taemin rose slowly from his seat, a determined look on his face as he walked toward where she was standing still in the open doorway. Minho had finally caught up to her but Gwiboon couldn’t focus on what he was saying as Taemin gently placed a hand on her cheek and ran his thumb across her lips.

 

Gwiboon gawked at him, not sure if she could believe that he was actually here, in her bedroom, in New York City.

 

“Taemin-ah, w-what’re you doing here?”

 

Their gazes locked at the question, and the familiar feeling of desire and hurt and love tore through her abdomen as he leaned forward until their noses were brushing against each other and his breath ghosted over her lips.

 

“I couldn’t stand the thought of being away from you for a second longer…” he trailed off, moving his hand to tangle in the long silky strands of her hair before his grip tightened on the back of her neck and he crushed their lips together in a desperate kiss.


	10. Hello (Goodbye)

Jinki stood in shock as he watched Taemin kiss Gwiboon, his feelings evident in the way he cupped her chin and firmly pressed their lips together as if he wasn’t taking no for an answer. Time seemed to freeze as he glanced behind the pair and saw Minho standing in the doorway, his face set in a hard line.

 

Uh-oh.

 

Jinki knew that face. Minho, who was one of the kindest, most considerate people in the world and would do anything for anyone, who refused to raise his voice at people and always believed the best in them, was furious. His arms were held at his sides but Jinki noticed that his fists were clenched and the veins on his forearms were bulging. He had only seen Minho like this once before, when Gwiboon had been groped by that asshole, and Jinki was afraid of what he might do next.

 

Gwiboon made a soft whimper of protest, drawing Jinki’s attention from his best friend to his roommate, who was now attempting to step away from Taemin. Not even a second later, Minho had strode forward and yanked the two apart, putting himself between Gwiboon and Taemin.

 

Taemin, whom Jinki did not know so well, also looked furious; but, the anger and protectiveness in Minho’s eyes would quell even a lioness protecting her cub. The two faced off in a stalemate as Gwiboon stood behind them, watching it all happen as if in shock. She glanced from Taemin to Minho, confusion etched into the furrow between her brows.

 

Jinki wasn’t sure exactly what Gwiboon felt for the boys, but he did know that neither looked like they were going to back down without a fight.

 

 

~

 

 

Taemin stared daggers at the guy that was now standing between him and Gwiboon – as if she needed protection from him. He breathed deeply to remind himself that getting angry would solve nothing and would only upset Gwiboon further, so he attempted to relax his shoulders and return his face to its neutral expression.

 

The other guy responded to his now calmer demeanor, relaxing, but only just. It was impossible for Taemin not to roll his eyes. Who did this guy think he was to come between them?

 

Choosing to ignore him rather than egg him on, he looked past him to see Gwiboon, his Gwiboon. She was so beautiful that it took his breath away; she was just as he remembered but also different somehow. He couldn’t quite place his finger on what was different but could feel it in the way she held herself and the way that she was now looking at him.

 

Something had changed and he wasn’t sure if he was going to like it.

 

 

~

 

 

Gwiboon attempted to gather her thoughts. Everything was happening too quickly and she didn’t feel like she had any time or space to process it all.

 

Never in a million years would she have guessed that Taemin would be here, in her dorm room in New York City. For weeks he hadn’t returned her phone calls, her desperate messages on every social media account she could think of – he hadn’t even talked to her brother when she had begged Jonghyun to contact him. But now he was here, standing in front of her – well in front of Minho – and he had kissed her. He was looking at her as if she was the last piece of an unfinished puzzle and all he needed was to hold her and fit her right back where she belonged.

 

Somehow that imagery seemed to click. She could so easily see herself returning to Taemin, returning to his warm smiles and familiar embrace. Returning to his love and his heart until they had grown old. Before New York, this had been her dream, to be with Taemin, a man who loved her as a woman even though they both knew she wasn’t.

 

A pang shot through her heart at the last thought and tears stung her eyes. She wasn’t that girl anymore. She wasn’t that person anymore.

 

Gwiboon’s heart thudded in her chest, each beat bringing another image to mind.

 

Minho, with his big, caring eyes and kind smile, with his warm laugh and silent determination for Gwiboon to accept herself wholly as she was. No specific images came to mind mind when she thought of a future with Minho, but the feeling was strong, burning under the surface as if saying there was no definite future, only a secure knowledge that they would be happy and that Gwiboon would be cherished, always.

 

Gwiboon looked up finally and caught Jinki’s eyes, somewhat relieved to see that her friend was still in the room with her. He smiled at her and her tears began to flow freely.

 

“I’m sorry.” Tears rolled down her face as she finally made eye contact with Taemin. Her lips still tingled from his touch and she had to resist the urge to reach up and brush her hands against them. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, voice cracking as she saw tears beginning to roll down Taemin’s face too.

 

He moved passed Minho, who had stepped aside so that he could see Gwiboon behind him. Minho’s dark chocolate eyes met hers as Taemin embraced her but she broke eye contract, allowing herself to be enveloped in Taemin’s familiarity.

 

 

~

 

 

“Minho-yah, let’s go, uh, grab some food or something…” Jinki said, looking over to his friend and raising his eyebrows slightly. His friend hesitated, glancing back to Gwiboon who now had her eyes closed as she returned Taemin’s hug, and nodded. Jinki grabbed his keys and herded Minho toward to door, unsure if he would be able to leave on his own.

 

Just as they passed the two, Minho reached out to stroke the back of Gwiboon’s head muttering a soft, “I’m only a phone call away,” before he exited.

 

Jinki saw Taemin stiffen but Gwiboon seemed to relax.

 

“Let me know if you need anything, yeah?” Jinki said, wanting her to know that he would be there for her too in case she needed him. He figured she would need someone neutral in all of this and was happy to offer her whatever comfort he could. Gwiboon raised her head and smiled, nodding her thanks before Jinki too exited into the hallway.

 

The door now shut behind them, Jinki turned to find Minho already at the end of the hall, jamming his finger into the elevator call button like it had personally offended him.

 

Side-eyeing his best friend, Jinki made sure to text Jonghyun and update him on what had happened. No doubt the blonde was worried about his sister – Jinki would be surprised if he hadn’t booked his own plane ticket here to ensure that she was okay for himself.

 

The elevator dinged and the two entered it, Jinki sighing when he saw the defeated look in Minho’s eyes that did not bode well for his plan of distract and entertain.

 

 

~

 

Gwiboon sat at the head of her bed, her back resting comfortably against the wall and her feet tucked underneath her. Taemin was sitting directly across from her at the foot of the bed, staring ahead as if he was waiting for Gwiboon to speak first.

 

They sat in comfortable silence for several minutes, Gwiboon working through everything that she wanted to say while Gwiboon waited patiently, idly shifting his position to become more comfortable.

 

“What’re you doing here?” Gwiboon finally asked, voice quiet as she broke the silence between them. Her question caused a frown to crease across Taemin’s smooth forehead and he looked up to meet Gwiboon’s questioning gaze.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

At this simple question, Gwiboon felt tears once again build behind her eyes and clog her throat. She didn’t know why she was almost blubbering but Taemin, sensing her inner turmoil, moved across the bed and drew her into his lap.

 

“Sh,” he said, kissing her forehead softly as he stroked her hair and let her cry into his shoulder.

 

No matter how hard she tried, the tears would not stop. She clung onto Taemin desperately, needing his closeness, needing him.

 

“Gwiboon-ah,” he finally said after what seemed like hours. “Why do you think I’m here? I came for you. I love you.” He whispered the last words like a silent prayer, willing her to hear the sincerity behind his words, the months of pain and separation, the years of longing and love all rolled up into one simple phrase.

 

The only problem was, was that there was nothing simple about this. About any of it.

 

Gwiboon wiped away her remaining tears, determined to make her time with Taemin count before he would inevitably have to return to his life in Korea.

 

Biting her lip nervously, because she honestly didn’t know what she would say or what would happen, she looked up through her lashes to meet Taemin’s intense gaze.

 

“I-I love you, too, Taemin-ah,” at these words, he smiled brightly, leaning in as if to kiss her, but Gwiboon shied away, placing a hand on his chest lightly. “I love you too, but I don’t think I can be with you. At least not right now…”

 

“I don’t understand…” the heart-broken words cut through Gwiboon like a knife but she had to continue, had to help him understand exactly what she was thinking, what she was feeling.

 

“I don’t think I can be with anyone right now. I can’t be a girlfriend…or whatever…,” she stumbled over the words unsure of what their relationship was or would have been.

 

“Tae, I-“ but before she could continue, he cut her off.

 

“No, Gwiboon, no.” His usually warm, understanding eyes were now cold and his voice cut through her like ice. “I thought that you wanted to make this work. Why did you text me and call me and – hell – have your brother track me down and tell me that you were desperate to talk to me!?”

 

“I’m sorry, I-“

 

“No, just stop. I feel like I don’t even know who you are anymore,” he stood abruptly, grabbing his jacket and moving toward the door.

 

“Where are you going?” Gwiboon asked, afraid that he wouldn’t come back this time.

 

“I need some space. Please don’t follow me,” he held his hand out, stopping Gwiboon in her tracks. She slowly sat back down on the edge of the bed, head bowed and hands clenched at her side.

 

The door banged loudly behind Taemin causing Gwiboon’s shoulders to tense. Minutes passed and he didn’t return, the only thing he left behind was an overwhelming sense of loneliness.

 

What had she done?


	11. My Girl

Minho watched as the guy – Taemin – flew through the front doors of Gwiboon and Jinki’s residence hall, his shoulders stiff and his face stoic. He made sure to back into the shadows so that he wouldn’t be seen. Minho waited a few minutes until he was sure Taemin had left before he pushed through the main doors of the building and jogged to the stairwell.

 

Taking two steps at a time, he relished the stretch of his muscles and the racing of his heart, letting the adrenaline take over the restless feeling in his chest. He really did need the release of energy, but, unlike he had told Jinki earlier in order to ditch him, he had not gone to the gym to work it off. He had gone right back to her building, waiting for something – anything – to happen.

 

For some reason, he just couldn’t shake this feeling that Gwiboon needed him. He didn’t know why or to what extent but he was determined to be there no matter what.

 

Minutes later he found himself in front of her door, panting heavily with sweat dripping down his face and back. One, two, three breaths and he was raising his hand, brining it down to knock – only to catch himself.

 

Gwiboon didn’t need him. She would be upset about Taemin and he was probably one of the last people she wanted to see.

 

No, Gwiboon needed someone who knew her inside and out. Someone who loved her and supported her and, most importantly, comforted her. And sadly, at this moment, Minho knew he wasn’t that person.

 

Regretfully, he retracted his hand until it was clenched in a fist at his side. He turned on his heel abruptly, retracing the steps he had just taken until he was exiting the building once again could breathe in the fresh air – well, as fresh as the city could get. Minho raked his hands through his hair once, only giving himself a second to stall before he took a deep breath and withdrew his phone from his pocket.

 

He had a very important phone call to make.

 

~

 

Jinki felt like he was having a heart attack. Not only was he at the airport, which was crowded and filled with screaming children and angry adults, but he was also about to meet his boyfriend. Well…meet wasn’t the right word because Jonghyun was his boyfriend after all. However, the fact that this was the first time he would be meeting the other boy in person, face-to-face, without a screen or a phone separating them…and he was nervous.

 

Not only was Jonghyun perfect in every way, but he was also here for a reason. Not a Jinki-reason either. He was here to save the day, as Jonghyun liked to call it.

 

Gwiboon had been a wreck for the past two days. She refused to leave the room, making her usually pristine side of the room a mess. Well, a mess for Gwiboon.

 

Jinki, not knowing what to say or how to possibly make it better, was relieved when he was finally able to do something productive like go and pick up her brother from the airport. Not that Gwiboon had seemed to care as she sat and stared blankly at the wall in reaction to Jinki’s statement that he was going to go pick up Jonghyun. This reaction, if anything, had been enough to convince Jinki that whatever that plane ticket had cost had been more than worth it.

 

Standing alone in the baggage claim area was a little more unnerving than he would have thought as he stared around at all of the different people, watching as older couples embraced their younger family members, or as friends greeted each other after a long separation. Jinki had no idea what his reunion with Jonghyun would bring because this wasn’t a reunion, it was the first time. The first impression. Literally, this was the most important moment in his life – well, currently – and he was freaking the fuck out.

 

Jinki liked to think that he was calm in most situations, especially given the reason that Jonghyun was coming to town, but he just couldn’t shake the feeling that it was now or never, that he was going to blow it or something. That he would inevitably make a fool of himself on the ride from the airport to his building and that would be the end of it. That he would-

 

“Jinki-yah!” His inner-tirade was disrupted by a magical voice that sent shivers straight down his spine. As if on autopilot, Jinki swiveled until he was facing the man of his dreams.

 

“J-jonghyun-ah…” he said, trying not to show just how flustered he was as his boyfriend strode forward rather quickly and embraced Jinki in a big, warm hug. Jinki melted into the embrace, loving the way that Jonghyun squeezed him a little bit so that he could feel how happy he was to see him. Jinki happily returned the embrace and noticed that everything about Jonghyun was indeed perfect, from the way he smelled – like apples and cinnamon – to the way his head fit perfectly into the crook where Jinki’s shoulder met his neck, he was perfect.

 

“It’s so good to see you,” Jonghyun said, moving back slightly to look Jinki in the eye. The older tried not to gasp at the perfection that was his boyfriend’s face, but who was he kidding, everything was evidently written all over his face if the way that Jonghyun had begun to blush at Jinki’s lack of verbal response was anything to go by.

 

“…hyung?” Jonghyun asked hesitantly, as if afraid that he had broken Jinki.

 

The elder shook his head, smiling, “Sorry, Jonghyun-ah, I just…got distracted. You’re so beautiful.”

 

Jinki’s eyes grew wide at his confession and it was his turn to blush as Jonghyun cutely bit his lip and leaned up until his eyes were in line with Jinki’s. “So are you,” he whispered huskily, and before Jinki knew it Jonghyun had crashed his lips against Jinki’s.

 

His eyes closed on instinct and he couldn’t have been happier. Jinki would cherish this moment forever.

 

The two drew some attention as their kiss deepened, both men groaning into the kiss as Jinki threaded his fingers through Jonghyun’s silky locks and Jonghyun eventually jumped up until his legs were wrapped around Jinki’s thick waist and their hips were flush against each other. A particularly loud wolf-whistle finally forced them to part. Jonghyun ducked his head into Jinki’s shoulder bashfully as Jinki did the same, but more indulgently as he bit Jonghyun’s delicious neck and groped his ass. Damn he had a sexy boyfriend.

 

Eventually, Jonghyun released his grip around Jinki and slid down his body until they were standing with a few inches between them. Jinki reached out to straighten the blonde’s mussed hair and black sweater, silently relishing the deep breaths the younger took with each movement.

 

“Are you ready?” Jinki asked, moving into Jonghyun until they were once again touching from head to toe.

 

“Yeah…” Jonghyun breathed, ghosting his lips against Jinki’s cheek and causing the older to shiver.

 

Before anything else could happen, Jinki turned on his heel and walked away from his devilishly tempting boyfriend. They had other things to focus on so the hanky-panky would just have to wait…unfortunately.

 

~

 

Gwiboon knew that she needed to get up. That she needed to do something other than sit in her bed and stare at the wall. But she just didn’t know what that something was.

 

Her whole life she had felt that she was this…thing…but now she wasn’t so sure. Who was she if she wasn’t Gwiboon. Who was she if she was something else, wanted something – or someone – else? What did it mean that her lifelong friend and first love had stormed out of the room? What did it mean that she hadn’t gone after him?

 

~

 

Jonghyun was ecstatic that he had finally been able to kiss Jinki the way he had been wanting to since he had first seen those plush lips and doe eyes over the computer screen all those months ago. And damn was Jinki built.

 

Jinki was uncharacteristically quiet sitting next to him in the back of the cab as they drove away from the airport, but Jonghyun didn’t really mind because the elder was making a point to hold hands. So maybe Jonghyun had a thing for the way his somewhat smaller hands fit perfectly into Jinki’s larger hands. So maybe Jonghyun secretly had to catch his breath when Jinki pulled his hand up to his mouth and kissed it. So maybe there were certain things that Jonghyun really wanted to do to (and with) Jinki but couldn’t because they were 1. in a cab, and 2. going to see his sister.

 

His sister.

 

Gwiboon must be in pretty bad shape for Jinki to have been so worried about her. Jonghyun couldn’t really remember the last funk that Gwi had been in, but he was glad that he was able to be here for her. Jonghyun was thankful she had somehow made some great friends in the short time she had been away, but knew that he was going to have his work cut out for him.

 

Jinki was staring absently out of his window and Jonghyun silently observed him. The sun was shining brightly today, casting shadows across the beautiful planes of Jinki’s face as the trees and buildings passed by around them. A small smile tugged at his lips as the elder tried not to return Jonghyun’s obvious staring but there was also a deep crease to his forehead that gave away just how distracted he was. Something was going on and Jonghyun was happy that that he was here to help in whatever way he could.

 

Squeezing Jinki’s hand, he leaned his head on the elder’s shoulder and watched the scenery pass them by as the cab drove closer and closer to their destination. 

 

~

 

Jinki unlocked the door and paused, unable to turn the knob. Jonghyun, who had remained silent behind him, stepped forward and knocked lightly before entering the room. The door remained slightly ajar and Jinki watched through the small crack as Jonghyun slowly approached Gwiboon’s bed until he was sitting down right next to her.

 

“Gwiboon-ah?” Jonghyun whispered, his lovely voice a soft caress that drew the pallid girl from her trance. Gwiboon’s big brown eyes stared at her brother as if she saw through him, until the blonde reached his hand out to lightly cup her cheek. The spell she was under seemed to magically break as she shook her head and leaned forward, gasping out a sob as she cried her brother’s name and tugged at this shirt.

 

Watching the scene before him, Jinki happily shut the door between them and gave the two their space. He sat down in the hallway and pulled out his phone, deciding that he would just have to try to beat his Flappy Bird record until the two emerged.

 

“Dammit, you stupid piece of-” Jinki’s curses directed at his phone were drowned out by random people walking up and down the hallway, but he remained oblivious to the distractions. Even to the lone text from a certain someone who was more than curious as to what was happening inside his room at that very moment.

 

~

 

“What do you mean, Taemin’s gone?” Gwiboon tried not to deflate at the look of disbelief in Jonghyun’s eyes. She knew that this news would be hard for him to swallow given the boys’ close friendship over the years.

 

“I don’t know, Jongie. He just left. I haven’t heard from him.”

 

Jonghyun stared at her incredulously, unsure what to make of this information. The Taemin he knew wouldn’t break Gwiboon’s heart. The Taemin he knew wouldn’t have left her before she had a chance to explain herself. The Taemin he knew – or he thought he knew – would have been right here in this room, or at least demanding to be let in.

 

But he wasn’t.

 

“Gwi, what is going on?” He pleaded, needing her to start from the beginning even though he had heard most of it already. For some reason it was just different to have a conversation in person than over the phone.

 

Gwiboon took a deep breath, not sure exactly where to begin. “I…I told him that I love him….” She paused, still uncertain how to proceed. She had been reliving the moments in her head a million times over but was now finding it hard to verbalize exactly what she was thinking and feeling into words. “But I…I told him that I can’t be with him – with anyone right now. That I just need time...” Jonghyun nodded, encouraging her to continue. “That…I need time to just…be me. To love me.”

 

Tears began forming at the corner of Jonghyun’s eyes as he tightened his embrace around his sister, his person. “Of course you do, Gwiboonie.” He held her close until his tears subsided, and he felt her relax into his embrace. They stayed like that for hours, Jonghyun soothingly run his fingers through her hair until she was drifting off to sleep. She was so grateful that he was here, so happy that the one person who knew her better than anyone was actually here, in person, and not thousands of miles away.

 

Gwiboon turned into her brother’s embrace, inhaling the familiar scent of him as she closed her eyes and burrowed deep into his soft sweater. She smiled sleepily, “I’m so glad you’re here.”

 

And, just as she was about to drift off to sleep, she felt his lips brush her forehead lightly whispering, “I’ll always be here for my girl.”


	12. Let's Talk

Gwiboon bit her lip as her phone rang, afraid of the thought that Taemin would pick up. Or wouldn’t pick up. Either way, she was nervous.

 

Jonghyun was chatting idly to Jinki on the other side of the room, surreptitiously glancing at her to see how she was doing. His presence was like a soothing balm and she was once again thankful that Jinki had somehow scraped up enough money to bring him here.

 

The phone went to voicemail and her heart tinged with disappointment as she released the breath she had been holding. Opting out of leaving a message, she dejectedly clicked the end call button and set her phone down on her bed. Rolling over to face the wall, she was glad that her face was hidden from Jinki and her brother who would no doubt have been able to see right through her. Gwiboon wasn’t sure she could handle any more puppy dog looks from Jonghyun or those carefully guarded eyes from Jinki.

 

Her phone chimed notifying her that she had a text. She was happy to see a message from Amber asking if she wanted to meet up to study for their English final. Pleased by the much-needed distraction, she replied promptly saying that she would meet her at the library in 20 minutes.

 

Gwiboon, shaking off her residual disappointment with Taemin’s lack of response, sat up and gathered her laptop and books from her side table before sliding them into her backpack. “I’m going to the library, I’ll see you guys later,” she said briskly, not wanting to play 20 questions for leaving the room.

 

Jonghyun looked like he was about to protest, but Jinki wrapped an arm around his waist and smiled kindly at her, “See you later!”

 

Gwiboon thanked her lucky stars that she had an awesome roommate and left the two boys alone. A little privacy was the least she could give them after everything they had done for her these past few days.

 

Fifteen minutes later she was pushing through the front doors of the campus library and checked her phone to see if Amber had texted her, finding her phone devoid of new messages. Being surrounded by the bustling students who were characteristically quiet for being in the library made her feel like a normal college student again. They were all here for the same reason and that reason had nothing to do with Gwiboon’s personal drama and everything to do with graduating. It felt like a breath of fresh air to be in such company and she giddily began walking down the aisles looking for an empty table where they could study. She finally located one near the back and even though the surrounding area was a little crowded, she’d take it.

 

Amber texted her just as she was unpacking her things and Gwiboon messaged back her location. She soon joined Gwiboon and began chattering happily about how good it was to see her.

 

As they dove into their work, Gwiboon relished the sense of normalcy that washed over her at focusing on problems other than her personal life. They chattered on about the various texts they had read throughout the semester, referring to their books and copious amount of notes as they jotted down the most important information that would help them for their test. Gwiboon felt herself genuinely smiling for the first time in days and was glad that Amber had texted her.

 

~

 

Jonghyun was sad to leave New York as he hugged Jinki goodbye, opting to not give into the urge to give his boyfriend a kiss. He didn’t want to start crying and knew himself well enough to just give Jinki a quick hug before it was Gwiboon’s turn.

 

Gwiboon smiled up at him as Jonghyun engulfed her in a bear hug, lifting her off her feet and twirling her around. Laughing at his antics, she slapped him good-naturedly on his back until he finally set her down and kissed her forehead. He hated leaving her when things were still up in the air with Taemin but he had his own studying to do and a plane to catch.

 

“Have you heard anything…?” he reluctantly whispered, not wanting to bring it up and also needing to hear something.

 

“No…” Gwiboon’s eyes began brimming with tears but she blinked them back rapidly. Jonghyun ran a hand soothingly down her back, pulling her into him for another hug. He hated to leave her but knew that she would be all right. They had stayed up late every night talking about anything and everything, and he knew that she was slowly starting to figure it all out.

 

“Keep me posted, okay?” Gwiboon nodded in response, smiling up at him before she eventually pushed him away.

 

“You’re going to be late for your flight if you don’t stop stalling.” Jonghyun smiled at her teasing, grabbing his carry on and giving a final wave to Jinki before he headed down toward the security check. “Love you, Jonghyun-ah!” He heard her shout after him.

 

Turning, he smiled and yelled loud enough for the entire airport to hear him, “I love you too, Bon Bon!” Gwiboon’s indignant squawk at her nickname was followed by Jinki’s deep laughter and Jonghyun couldn’t help but turn around and witness the two. Gwiboon was red-faced and Jinki was almost bent in half with the force from his laughter. He chuckled to himself but his attention was forced back to where he was in line as he was called for the airport employee to check his ID and ticket. He moved quickly through to the security area where he had to remove his shoes and place everything in the bins. As it was his turn to step into the metal detector, he glanced back to see if he could still see them, only to be caught off guard by another figure that had joined them.

 

~

 

Gwiboon glared daggers at Jinki as he laughed hysterically. She loved Jonghyun and his nickname for her but not in public, where literally everyone and their mom can hear it. She stomped her foot in agitation, already resigned to having to scold him over the phone. Jinki was still trying to reign in his laughter next to her but had thankfully subsided to giggling cutely.

 

Standing up straight, Gwiboon turned, ready to leave Jinki and his loud mouth behind her until she stopped dead in her tracks. Taemin was standing no more than ten feet away from her, sunglasses covering his eyes even though he was talking animatedly to some people next to him. Gwiboon didn’t recognize the people and was slightly confused as to how Taemin might know them, especially since they all looked to be ten or so years older than they were and were wearing fancy business suits.

 

“Taemin-ah?” She said his name before she could process what it was she was going to say. She just knew that she had to talk to him.

 

His head snapped towards her at hearing his name in the crowded airport. He looked somewhat startled but it was hard to tell because of the sunglasses he was still wearing. Gwiboon walked toward him before he could begin to move and he mirrored her, taking a few steps toward her until they were face to face, the men in suits and Jinki both left behind.

 

“Taemin-ah, what happened? Where have you been?” Gwiboon asked breathlessly, trying not to sound hurt or dejected even though she knew it was probably useless. Taemin knew her too well for her to pretend like she wasn’t upset.

 

“Gwiboon-ah, w-what’re you doing here?” Taemin nervously ran his hand through his hair, looking behind him at the men in suits to signal that he would be a minute. Gwiboon watched the interaction with curiosity, not exactly sure what was going on.

 

Feeling a little unsure of herself now that she had come face to face with Taemin, Gwiboon wrapped her arms around her waist and waited for him to once again face her. She felt that familiar sense of unrest come over her and she didn’t like how it seeped throughout her body, settling over her like a sudden shiver you get from a harsh, cold breeze.

 

“Taemin-“

 

“Gwiboon-“

 

They both started speaking at the same time, stopping abruptly as they noticed the other had begun to say something. Gwiboon bit her lip and nodded for Taemin to continue.

 

“Gwi, listen. I’m sorry I left like I did. I was just…” he glanced around him as if something in the airport would help him find his words. “I couldn’t handle the thought of losing you again, even after coming all the way to New York.”

 

Gwiboon opened her mouth to reply, wanting to explain herself, but Taemin held up his hand asking her to wait. She nodded and he continued.

 

“I came to New York to win you back. I can’t deny it. I know it was foolish and I didn’t think it through fully, I get that now. But…I just couldn’t stay back home and do nothing. I…I love you and it kills me to know that I’m not what you want…. What you need…”

 

Taemin’s voice trailed off as he finished, looking down at Gwiboon with a look of longing and love that broke her heart.

 

“Oh, Taemin,” she cried, rushing toward him and throwing her arms around him in an impromptu hug. He clung to her as she cried, whispering soft words into her hair as she felt her heart break and the wall that had come between them solidify with an aching finality.

 

“I…I can never tell you how much I love you or how much you mean to me,” Gwiboon whispered into his shoulder, not daring to step away so that their gazes would lock. “I’m so sorry I hurt you and ran away, but…please know that I wasn’t…” she paused, wanting to make sure that the next part came out right. “Please know that I wasn’t running away from you. I was running away from me.”

 

Tears were rolling freely down her face as she finally stepped back and looked Taemin in the eyes. His look of acceptance and love was enough to calm her nerves at her confession. It had taken several long night conversations with Jonghyun, and sometimes Jinki, to help her process exactly what she was thinking and feeling, and she was glad to be able to finally share it with the one other person who needed it the most. Taemin, her first love, her first everything, deserved to know everything.

 

“Taemin-ssi?” A low male voice called out to Taemin from behind them, breaking through their little bubble and causing Taemin to break eye contact with Gwiboon.

 

“Taemin-ssi, we have to go now if we want to make our flight in time.” The man said, a look of confusion on his face as he glanced from Gwiboon back to Taemin.

 

“I’ll be just a minute, sir,” Taemin replied, nodding slightly before looking back at Gwiboon. He saw the questions in her eyes and smiled wryly.

 

“Uh…remember my dream of becoming an idol?” Taemin asked slowly, beginning to look somewhat sheepish as a faint blush spread over his face. At Gwiboon’s slow nod, he continued, “Well, I had an…uh…impromptu audition the other day and am now heading back to Seoul to begin training. If I do well, they think I can debut in a year or two.” The excitement in his voice made Gwiboon smile, but she was still confused as to what exactly was happening.

 

“What do you mean you had an impromptu audition? I thought you…” she stopped, not wanting to bring up the rough part of their earlier conversation.

 

“Well…it’s hard to explain really….” he glanced behind him anxiously, trying to gauge how much time he had by the look on the men in suits’ faces. “After I left your room, I need to get some air and just think about everything. You know how I am when I get upset, I just need to dance…. Anyway, I was walking and came upon a park where there was a street performer and, well, one thing led to another and I just started dancing. Right there in the park. I don’t even remember what happened after that really. There were a bunch of people that started clapping and, before I knew it, this guy approached me and asked me if I could sing…” Taemin trailed off, glancing over his shoulder again to point at the guy who must have initially approached him. “It all happened so fast, I don’t even know what to say.”

 

Gwiboon smiled up at him, pleased that he was so happy. “That’s great, Tae. You’re going to be amazing.” He returned her smile, giving her another hug before the men in suits called out to him again, signaling the end of their time together.

 

“I love you Gwiboon-ah,” he said as he picked up his duffle bag, giving her his famous shit-eating grin.

 

“I love you, too, Tae,” she replied, reaching up to give him one last kiss, brief but full of everything left unsaid between them. He sighed into the kiss, returning pressure for only a second before stepping back and breaking contact. He smiled sheepishly at her, as if shy that he had got caught up in the moment, before he was waving and walking away from her.

 

She watched him go through the security line until he was out of sight. She didn’t know when they would see each other again but the thought didn’t make her sad, it gave her hope.

 

~

 

Minho watched Gwiboon as she entered the commons, chatting animatedly with Amber as they both moved towards the soup and salad line for dinner. She looked happy today, happier than he had seen her before, and he couldn’t quite control the way his stomach dropped or his breath hitched when that radiant smile spread over her lovely features. Unlike previous relationships he had been in, he felt drawn to her, as if she was the sun and he was caught in her orbit. He should feel nervous about the way she affected him but he didn’t really care to.

 

Leaving his conversation with Jinki, he got up from their table and walked over to join the girls in line.

 

“Minho-goon!” Amber sang happily upon seeing him. Gwiboon smiled over at him briefly before giving her order for her salad. Minho waited for them at the end of the line and happily trailed after them as they made their way to the check out station. He watched as Gwiboon eyed the display of treats, her gaze lingering over a particularly large chocolate chip cookie before she was called to the front and paid.

 

Smiling at her useless resistance to the sweets he knew she loved, he quickly paid for the cookie and pocketed it before finding them at the silverware station and leading them over to his and Jinki’s table.

 

Minho listened as the two girls chatted back and forth about their English final they had just taken, complaining about questions they thought were too hard and excitedly sharing the answers they knew they aced. Jinki shared his time between listening and checking his phone, no doubt messaging Jonghyun.

 

He wasn’t the only one who noticed where Jinki’s attention was as suddenly Gwiboon snatched his phone away, laughing.

 

“Aw, look at the two saps,” she said, making a show of scrolling through their messages while not actually reading them. Knowing Jinki, Minho doubted that she would want to read some messages....

 

Jinki eventually snagged his phone back and Minho laughed at the blush that spread across his face.

 

Gwiboon caved at the look, reaching out to pat his hand in apology. “I’m sorry, Jinki-oppa. I shouldn’t tease you, especially after how great it was that you flew Jonghyun in to see me…” The sincerity in her voice and the slight smile to her beautiful bow-shaped lips was enough to distract Minho so that he missed the last part of the conversation.

 

Jinki looked at her quizzically, causing a frown to cross over Gwiboon’s serene features and break through Minho’s daze. “Gwiboon-ah, I didn’t pay for Jonghyun-ah to come here…you know that right? There’s no way I’d have the money for that sort of thing…” He trailed off, confusion etched in his voice as he turned to Minho with raised eyebrows.

 

Gwiboon and Amber followed suit, both staring intently at Minho as an awkward silence came over their little crew.

 

Minho sat there speechless, not sure what to say as he tried hard not to kick Jinki under the table. She wasn’t supposed to know that he’d-

 

“Minho-yah…did you…,” Gwiboon asked hesitantly, a look of understanding and something else Minho couldn’t name crossing her face. “Did you pay for Jonghyun-ah to come here? For me?”

 

Minho gulped, not sure what to say. Amber kicked him under the table and Jinki squeezed his thigh, both silently urging him to answer Gwiboon’s question.

 

“Y-yeah, I did. Well, I mean, technically my dad paid for it but it wasn’t a big deal really. I knew you needed your brother and-“ But before he can finish, Gwiboon is leaning over the table and kissing him speechless.

 

“Uh-“ is all he can say when they break apart seconds later. His cheeks hurt from grinning as he takes in Gwiboon’s flushed face and her glistening eyes.

 

“Thank you, Minho-yah,” she says, her voice quite clear in spite of her heavy breathing.

 

He nods in response, watching as she slowly sits back down and begins picking at her food, an embarrassed flush to her face that doesn’t fade as the silence at their little table becomes deafening amidst the noise surrounding them in the large cafeteria.

 

Jinki eventually clears his throat and asks Amber a question, who happily answers. Minho is grateful for the reprieve as he feels his own face redden from the shock of what just happened and tries not to stare too openly at Gwiboon.

 

His phone vibrates on the table and he quickly looks at it, happy for the distraction. He unlocks the screen and opens the message, only to see that it’s from Gwiboon. Glancing up across the table he sees that she’s smiling widely at him from under her hair, which is thankfully blocking Jinki and Amber’s view of their little interaction. Minho returns her smile and glances back down at his phone.

 

[from] Boonie ^o^: Thank you… for everything. I hope you know how truly grateful I am

 

Minho quickly types a response.

 

[from] Minho-goon: You’re very welcome… I hope you know how much you mean to me. As a friend and

 

Unfortunately, he pressed send before he could finish his thought – or erase it as he had not meant to send that last part. Panicking, he avoids looking up at Gwiboon and is shocked to get a quick response.

 

[from] Boonie ^o^: And…what?

 

He gulps at the message, quickly glancing up at her to find her staring back at him intently. Her eyes narrow slightly before she looks back down and types something on her phone.

 

[from] Boonie ^o^: Well? I’m waiting…

 

[fromt] Minho-goon: Let’s talk about it later ;)

 

The bold message is sent before he can give it a second thought. It takes a few minutes before Gwiboon replies. By this point it must be obvious to Jinki and Amber about the silent conversation that the other two are having, but they are excellent friends who keep up the charade and let the two figure it out. Minho tries to control his movements when his phone finally buzzes, but his palms are sweating and his nerves are on edge.

 

[from] Boonie ^o^: Sure, let’s talk ;)


	13. Epilogue (7 Years Later)

Gwiboon giggled as Minho shoved her into a nearby room. He shushed her with a deep kiss, urging her further into the cramped spaced until she was backed up against a wall. They both silently fought for control, Minho’s eagerness winning out as his heated touches and strong fingers danced over Gwiboon’s lithe body. The last vestiges of Gwiboon’s resistance finally cracked as his fingers ghosted down her sides and rubbed at the juncture of her legs, eliciting a loud groan from her now free lips and causing her head to thump back against the wall.

 

Coats fell down around them with the movements but neither cared about the consequences of making too much noise when Gwiboon wrapped her legs around Minho’s strong waist and rocked against his erection. Her satiny dress was pushed upwards as Minho worked his hands under her dress, digging into her slender waist so that his large hands grasped her firmly above her hipbones. Gwiboon arched into his unforgiving hold, relishing the pace he set as he rubbed against her core and their mouths once again melded together, muffling their heavy breathing.

 

The small space amplified their body heat as Gwiboon licked the sweat dripping down Minho’s temple and felt a telltale shiver that he wouldn’t be able to control himself for much longer. Excitement at the thought coursed through her body, making her blood sing with need as she nipped at his jaw line and whispered huskily, “Get on with it already, we don’t have much time.”

 

Minho responded almost immediately, releasing his hold on her waist and dragging his fingers down her sides until he was hooking his thumbs into her panties and pulling them off, leaving her naked and vulnerable underneath her thin dress. Gwiboon’s breath hitched in excitement as her body reacted, dripping with anticipation at the thought of what was coming next.

 

After what seemed like minutes but really only took seconds, Minho had unzipped his light gray dress pants, shoving both his pants and his boxers down until his hard dick was free and stood proud against his taut stomach. Gwiboon inhaled at the sight, her eyes hooded with arousal, causing Minho to moan in unadulterated need. The sound echoed throughout the cramped space until they were both lost to it, hands reaching out to grasp at skin as lips met in a clash of teeth and tongue.

 

With a growing sense of urgency to find completion and not make too much of a scene, Minho spun Gwiboon around and grabbed a handful of her dress, shoving it into her hand so that it would be out of the way. If they had more time, he would just rip it off her, but unfortunately they didn’t and it would also ruin the evening if he ruined that particular dress. His long fingers found their destination as he teased her entrance, mouthing along her neck and enjoying the view as he looked down at her debauched state. She was leaning into the wall, bent over and gasping for air as her passion took over, like it always did. He never knew how to describe this state she would get in, but he knew that it was one of the things he loved most about her. The way she completely lost herself in her passion, in his lovemaking, was the hottest, sexiest thing about her and he was damn glad that no one else would ever get to witness this part of her. She was his and that was all that mattered.

 

Growing impatient, Gwiboon thrust her hips back so that his thumb was now fully impaled in her tight heat. Chuckling at her eagerness but also ready to get this show on the road, Minho gave one last lick to her sweaty neck before he removed his thumb and placed his erection at her entrance, not giving her any warning before he drove all the way in so that their hips met in a loud, firm smack!

 

“Ngh,” was all she managed to say before he was withdrawing his hips slowly and snapping back in forcefully, creating a push and pull rhythm that soon had her bumping into the wall with the power of his thrusts. She moaned again, her head dropping down so that her forehead rested on the wall as she canted her hips back to meet him thrust for thrust. Gwiboon loved this feeling, of being so full and so close to Minho that she lost all sense of herself. They had made love countless times, and she doubted she would ever grow tired of it, but she loved this the most. This pure, raw need that overcame them until there was nothing left but the joining of their bodies and the desires of their souls, laid bare for both to see exactly what the other meant to them.

 

Gwiboon could faintly hear the noise of bustling people outside their little room but tried to ignore it as she felt her climax coming. That slow build was like a fire in the pit of her stomach, each thrust from Minho like a breath of fresh air to her core that steadily grew and grew until she was engulfed in flame and became blinded by the sheer bliss of her orgasm. His hips continued pistoning into her as he felt her climax, her warmth surrounding him, squeezing the life out of him until he came with a final thrust, stilling inside her as he felt her body come down from her climax.

 

He leaned into her until she was flush against the wall and there was no space between them. Minho breathed in her lovely, familiar scent as he whispered the same words into her ear that they had first said years ago when they were still in New York City, “I love you.” 

 

Gwiboon repeated the phrase, turning as Minho softened inside her and crashing their lips together in a final passionate kiss. He swept her hair out of her face, hoping that the fancy style hadn’t gotten ruined during their little tryst in the closet as the reality of the situation finally sank in.

 

Not wanting to draw more suspicion than was undoubtedly already present surrounding their sudden and rather drawn out absence, Minho withdrew a handkerchief from his breast pocket and wiped down Gwiboon’s body, making sure to wipe off the sweat that had built up on her collarbones and back before reaching down to clean off the cum that was now dripping from her entrance. She giggled at his careful ministrations and allowed him to help her put her panties back on, watching amusedly as he wiped himself off and righted his own clothing.

 

Giving him one last kiss, Gwiboon checked to make sure that her dress was hanging properly before opening the door surreptitiously to peek her head out and check that the coast was clear. Minho was attempting to hang up all of the coats that had fallen but had to give up as Gwiboon pulled him none-too-gently from the closet and into the deserted hallway.

 

“What time is it?,” anxiety at missing her brother’s big moment caused her to whisper. Minho checked his phone and saw that they still had ten minutes, telling her so as he ushered her down the hallway and into the room marked “Kim Family.” The two entered, expecting to find a bustling array of people running around with last-minute adjustments and preparations only to find that everyone was relatively calm and chatting normally.

 

Gwiboon walked over to her brother, reaching up to fix his silvery blonde hair and then settling her hands over his tie to straighten it. He smiled at her, glancing knowingly over her shoulder at Minho who smiled sheepishly. He gave Jonghyun a thumbs-up before stepping out of the room, retracing his steps down the hallway he and Gwiboon had just come from until he found the room labeled “Lee Family.” Knocking lightly, he poked his head around the door and saw a lone figure standing in the middle of the room, staring blankly at the clock on the wall. Minho approached quietly, sneaking up on his best friend until he was wrapping the elder in a bear hug and had kissed him sloppily on the cheek.

 

“Minho!” Jinki cursed, wiping his hand over his face even as his telltale bright smile took over his face. “Where did you sneak off to earlier, you dog you...” he teased, poking Minho in the stomach knowingly. Minho had the decency to blush but just shrugged his shoulders innocently. Jinki laughed, turning to once again stare at the clock that was slowly ticking away the seconds until he would be joined with the person he loved more than anything in the world.

 

Sitting next to him, Minho watched as the minutes ticked away and it was finally time to get Jinki up and moving. “Come on, hyung. You’ve got an important date.” Jinki smiled ruefully at him, his mother eventually entering the room and fussing over him as she walked with the boys to meet up with the other half of their party. Jonghyun beamed at Jinki as they finally caught sight of each other, tears springing to his eyes as he ran ahead and jumped into Jinki’s already outstretched arms. Minho caught Gwiboon’s eye as the two grooms-to-be kissed and fawned over each other, Jinki wiping away Jonghyun’s tears even as he fought off his own, and Gwiboon stuck her tongue out at him playfully. He acted affronted at her childish antics, turning his head slightly as if to ignore her before he eventually winked back.

 

Minho watched as Jonghyun and Jinki’s mothers ushered everyone around, happy to finally take his place at Jinki’s right. Gwiboon took her place at Jonghyun’s right and the ceremony began, filled with love, laughter, and tears. Jinki and Jonghyun said their vows and kissed, their loved ones cheering and clapping loudly until they parted, both red-faced with embarrassment at all of the noise but also obliviouly happy.

 

The wedding party dispersed, moving back as the event crew came in and set up tables and chairs, magically changing the small intimate setting of the ceremony to a beautiful dining area. Minho pulled Gwiboon’s chair out for her, sitting next to her and taking her small hand in his as he kissed her cheek. Jonghyun and Gwiboon’s parents made the first toast of the evening, thanking everyone for coming and encouraging them to enjoy the meal.

 

Gwiboon couldn’t have been happier to see her brother staring lovingly at the love of his life, who was incidentally staring right back at him as if Jonghyun was the world. She leaned into Minho’s side and he wrapped an arm around her, kissing her forehead sweetly. More toasts were given and eventually Gwiboon had to give her own, barely making it through before she broke down in tears and sat weeping in Jonghyun’s lap. Jinki smiled brightly at her, bending down to kiss her cheek sweetly before he pulled Jonghyun onto the dance floor for their first dance as a married couple. The DJ queued the song and the familiar tones of a new popular release echoed throughout the room as the two men danced slowly as if they had all the time in the world.

 

“I still can’t believe Taemin dedicated this song to them,” Minho whispered into Gwiboon’s hair as they both watched the happy couple dance around the room. She nodded, absentmindedly playing with his hand as the scene of Lee Taemin, the famous kpop idol, came back to her. They had been invited to his first comeback stage after his successful debut the year prior. His new hit Danger was the main song adored by his fans but Gwiboon would forever love the song that was playing right now.

 

After the concert when they had been getting a backstage tour and Minho had gotten distracted by the design set up, Gwiboon had run into Taemin who was coming out of his changing room. Not knowing how much time they had before his next schedule, she had rushed to tell him how much she loved his work and how proud she was of him. “You’re doing so well!” she had exclaimed, reaching a hand out only to leave it hanging awkwardly between them, unsure if she still had the right to touch him. Taemin had smiled, reaching out to wrap her in a hug and causing warmth to spread throughout her body at the familiar embrace. She had missed her friend and was happy that they could still have nice moments like this.

 

“Thanks, Gwiboon-ah,” was all he said, ever the modest-one of the bunch. They talked a bit about his work and Gwiboon asked about his new album, knowing that there were more to the songs than the stories he told the press. “My favorite song is Ace,” she had confided in him, finding it a bit odd that he blushed at her words. “What is it?” she had asked, poking him playfully on the arm.

 

He looked down at her sheepishly, his hands restless in front of him as he reluctantly admitted, “That’s actually one of my favorites, too. I…I worked really hard on it with my producers and…” he trailed off as if unsure he wanted to continue. Gwiboon had smiled at him sweetly, silently encouraging him to continue until he finally finished, “It was actually something inspired by you…by our relationship, really.”

 

The news had taken her by surprise, a small “oh” forming on her lips. She wanted to say something, anything in return but just as she was about to, Minho joined them and was talking animatedly to Taemin. Gwiboon had listened as the two chattered on about show logistics, letting the information slowly sink in until her attention was piqued when she heard Minho say, “Boonie really loves your song Ace. What was your inspiration for it? She wouldn’t stop asking me…” he trailed off, waiting for Taemin to answer.

 

The idol glanced over at Gwiboon, a secretive look in his eye as he responded, “Oh, funny you should mention that. Ace is actually something I wrote for Jonghyun-ah after he told me about his engagement. I wanted to do something special for him, you know, for old time’s sake.”

 

Gwiboon still didn’t have the courage to tell Minho the truth about the song, even as he pulled her out of her seat and onto the dance floor. Taemin had admitted to her, only her, that the song was about her. The knowledge wasn’t secret, but it was something special between them that would stay with her forever. Just as their time together was precious to her, this song was just another part of their story.

 

Minho leaned down to kiss Gwiboon tenderly, drawing her back to the dance floor. She looked up at him, his large brown eyes staring back at her and causing her heart to flutter. “How’s my girl?” he whispered huskily, pulling her closer so that her head was nestled into his strong neck.

 

She breathed in the familiar, heavenly scent that was her Minho, and responded softly, “Perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some other things that didn't quite make it into the epilogue but might be a fun frame of reference. Minho and Jinki graduate a year before Gwiboon and move back to Korea - Jinki to be with Jonghyun and Minho to begin looking for a job. They all three live together until Gwiboon finally graduates and moves back to Korea with them. Even though her parents don't approve, Gwiboon moves in with Minho into their own place, which works out well b/c Jonghyun and Jinki get engaged! :) yay for hanky panky! Minho is a high school physical education teacher, queue all the little teenage girls vying for his attention. Gwiboon is an English teacher and they work in different schools, which drives the kids at Minho's school crazy b/c even though he is the coach for almost every sport, he cheers on their rival school's team b/c that's where Gwiboon works. Minkey is ridiculously adorable. Taemin of course becomes a superstar and Gwiboon couldn't be happier for him. Jongin becomes a back-up dancer for Taemin's show and even duets with him sometimes (Pretty Boy, anyone?!)
> 
>  
> 
> Also, Ace is the perfect song for this, ugh. Just look at these lyrics - perfection!
> 
>  
> 
> At the end of a moment  
> I have found you  
> I mindlessly move a little bit closer  
> Your wet lips are like honey  
> I only imagined this  
> Yeah, I want you
> 
> You say I look like I don’t know women?  
> That I look like a little prince who doesn’t know love?  
> I just laugh, oh yeah  
> If you believe in that, you’re a fool, oh yeah mm
> 
> The stars are disappearing  
> The moonlight hides in the clouds  
> Everyone is asleep on this street  
> The only thing that shines is you  
> Oh if I let you go like this  
> It’ll be the craziest thing in the world
> 
> I want to be your only Ace  
> All the passing by guys who were just so-so  
> I am a bit different from them  
> Baby what you want  
> What you’ve wanted, what you dreamed of  
> Ace Ace Ace Ace
> 
> I’ll show you  
> Love, fights, sad goodbyes  
> Will we have this typical cycle?  
> You don’t need to worry about that  
> Right now, you’re in my heart  
> I’m a blossomed ace ace ace ace  
> Tonight, I’m your only  
> Ace Ace Ace Ace
> 
> Locking, your tightly shut heart  
> Knocking, slowly  
> Talking, you’ll close up if I rush  
> Risky you, oh yeah  
> Little by little, the door is opening
> 
> Block out all the light baby  
> Trap yourself in me  
> My heart that I cannot control  
> Fights with my reason  
> Come into my arms right now  
> I’ll change the world that makes you tired
> 
> Make me feel brand new  
> After I met you, yoo hoo  
> Baby it’s you yeah  
> My heart will never change  
> Believe in my heart, please believe in me  
> I’mma falling in love yeah


End file.
